Not trying to shock you, but here is a bumper sticker I had to sit behind in traffic recently. It read, “I piss excellence.”

Really? That’s fabulous?????? Congratulations?! What does that even MEAN, you numb skull?!

Oh. My. Word. Seriously? Can we just talk about what messages we are trying to get across here?!

I am specifically talking about bumper stickers and other images and messages displayed on the backsides of our vehicles.

Personally, I am not a fan of bumper stickers, although, for the most part, I do read them as I drive on my way. I don’t judge you if you choose to put them on your car, it’s just that my husband and I decided long ago not to put stickers on our vehicles. It’s not a big deal. We have lots of opinions and thoughts on life. We support and love many different organizations. We just don’t do bumper stickers. That’s all.

Let’s review some though, shall we?

There’s the parent who has to point out that their kid is smarter than yours. Just because someone has a “My kid made the honor roll” sign on their car doesn’t mean your kid is an idiot. They are proud parents, that’s all…and no, your dog isn’t smarter than their kid, either.

Or that ridiculous and crude kid that has his pants down and is urinating on whatever it is the driver wants to belittle. Chevy and Ford should just be friends, already!

Here’s my favorite…the guy in the big beefy truck that has dark tinted windows, meaty tires with girly flaps and a pair of blue balls hanging from the hitch. REALLY?! You are admitting to the world that your truck is making up for your lack of intimacy?!?!

Or, “Silly boys! Trucks are for girls!” I love to drive trucks, I have to say, but they aren’t gender specific. They are trucks. They are for boys and girls. Trucks are gender neutral…

I actually like the family stickers. You’ve usually got a dad figure, a mom, a couple kids or more, even a cat and dog. And, if your family was lucky enough, your family figures have big mouse ears on them…or, if you are outdoorsy, your family is made up of sea turtles…which means you were probably lucky enough to buy them in Hawaii.

I personally am not quite sure what the “I piss excellence” bumper sticker is all about. All I know is that it’s crude and not the kind of bumper sticker I would ever choose. But I guess it stuck with me…so very glad that guy got his message across…(kick him in the shin!)

If there was room on the back of my car to get a message across worth the adhesive it would say, “Hey, whether you believe it or not, God is totally, completely, madly in love with you! Yep! He loves you exactly the way you are, sitting there in your car, singing, smoking, picking your nose, yelling at your kids in the back seat, whatever. He even loves you as you are tailgating me to read this bumper sticker. And, since the beginning of time a lot has happened. He’s been misrepresented, even gotten a bad wrap. Maybe you could care less, but here’s the deal, whether you like Him or not, you will meet Him face to face one day. On that day He’ll tell you how much He loves you…like He’s been telling you all along. He’ll remind you that He sent His Son to die on a cross for you because you were worth it. You can wait until that day to meet Him, but living life here on earth with Him in your heart is better than chocolate or Monday Night Football! Life won’t necessarily be smooth, you may experience heartache and pain, your kid might not make the honor roll, you may not even pee straight, but God’s totally and completely in love with you and would love to have a personal relationship with you today.”

I know that bumper stickers or symbols on our cars are an expression of who we are or what we believe and support. Some are encouraging and thought provoking…others just funny, while others, as you’ve witnessed above, plain old ignorant.

Since the back of my Honda Accord just isn’t big enough to display my sentiments, I won’t be having this particular bumper sticker made up.

However, when I went to renew my tags the other day, something occurred to me. I can work the “no bumper sticker” rule with personalized plates. I can get another message across. It’s a message of support and something I’ve championed in the past. It’s a message that wasn’t close to home. Now it’s a message that is front and tail end on my car.

I bought pink license plates.

I know that in buying “Breast Cancer Awareness” plates I won’t beat the disease, but, as the daughter of a beautiful woman who was just diagnosed last week with it, I will do whatever it takes to show my mom my full support.

I love my mom. She is my spiritual GIANT. She probably is smarter than your honor student, but if she had a bumper sticker, even in light of her recent diagnosis, it would read like the one above, “God is Faithful! I trust in Him! And He is Good!”

More to come…


One response

  1. This might not be “publishable” but I was driving the other day and saw too young men in their mid twenties with a bumper sticker that read, ” I love vagina” I wanted so badly to spend five minutes with them to figure out why in the world they would want to post something like that on their car. So gross..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Email is FUN!

You guys, let's stay connected! Enter your email to receive blog notifications and other insider news!