So, I’ve wanted to post something along these lines for quite some time. It’s something that weighs on my heart for more than one reason. I blogged it in my head last Friday as I walked, bawling, sinuses filling, not really able to take deep breaths as one should while walking up hills. I wish *you* could have been in my head because I don’t know if this post will convey my heart that day, but I pray it does on many levels.
I don’t support abortion, meaning, I personally would never have one and I don’t think anyone else should either. I would love and support someone who had chosen that route or a person considering it as an option, but I would pray earnestly and do anything possible to encourage them that carrying their baby, regardless of circumstance, how the pregnancy came to be or what the prognosis of carrying a sick or dying child might entail, as long as physically possible, would be the most amazing, and heart-wrenching, life-changing, eye-opening, saddest and hopeful decision of their life.
Let me take you back in time to my 9th grade year. I was 15 years old. I loved God and knew He was drawing me closer to Him but didn’t understand how that would look. I was actively involved in my CCD group and my local church. I knew I didn’t think that terminating a pregnancy was a good thing so I decided to do something about it. I signed up to be part of a silent prayer walk in downtown Phoenix that went through the city and ended at the Capitol building. I remember praying quietly as we walked. I enjoyed talking to God so that part wasn’t difficult for me. In retrospect, the part that was difficult for me were the posters the praying walkers held high in the air. Obviously. A terminated fetus is not a sight even the performing doctor or clinician should ever get used to. Yes, the point is to make an impression in the minds of the onlookers. Yes, people need to know the severity of what an abortion entails. But, thinking of the woman that everyone in town wanted to stone to death, I don’t read anywhere that Jesus pasted a poster of her sins in front of her face to make her aware of her horrible choices. He said that if anyone was without sin, he should cast the first stone…funny that there was no one left standing. Jesus forgave her because He loved her. In hindsight, it is no wonder why men and women were shouting at the tops of their lungs, screaming at ‘us’ as we approached the Capitol. “It’s my choice! It’s my choice!” (MANY, NOT ALL, had a choice prior to having sex…) I don’t recall being offended that they were offended, but I do remember thinking, as a 9th grader, that I was glad I got to pray and get a little exercise, but that what I had just done was the most ineffective effort in my life.
Now just BACK OFF anyone reading who has an elevated heart rate and angry opinions right now, labeling me as a ‘Choicer’…Hopefully this post will make quite clear that my advocacy is for LIFE and LIFE alone. What I am saying is that what the people at the Capitol needed that day was not other people reminding them that abortion is a horrible thing. Science has convinced some minds that a fetus isn’t a baby but hearts will always convince them otherwise, regardless of their choice. Instead, they needed encouragement and actual LOVE, support, HOPE, just sorta kinda like the way Jesus did things for any one given person in the Bible. I am an advocate for the sweet child living within an mother’s womb.
If I had known that Noah was going to die when he was only 7 months and 2 days old, that 5 and a half months of his life were to be spent in a hospital with no answers, and that my heart would have ached for the remainder of my life missing him, longing to be his mommy on Earth rather than to a child in Heaven…if given the option to save myself the daily agony, I would still have chosen to have Noah, every day just the same. I am richer for knowing him. How could I not be?
I have several friends that were told that the baby they so lovingly carried within them was either: no longer alive, not going to live outside the womb for more than a short amount of time, or had either a fatal birth defect or rare genetic disorder that meant death in no uncertain terms. Each friend cried. Each friend trusted God for a miracle this side of Heaven. Each woman carried her child as long as her body physically was able. Some had to say goodbye quickly to their child. Some have bouncing babies living on earth today. In ALL cases, each woman was blessed beyond her imagination, even in her agony of the unknowns and in her grief, just from allowing herself to love her unborn child and trust God more deeply. She allowed her life to become a richer place, like soil that has to be overturned with added manure, to make a proper environment for new life to begin. Each learned more about love from their sweet child. Each has taught me so much.
The past is the past. I am not condemning women who have had abortions. I know that some loving mothers wanted their babies desperately. Some chose it out of convenience, or inconvenience, for their lifestyle. Those I don’t condemn but I will boldly call selfish and, quite frankly, immature. They thought by having an abortion it would free them up for the life they intended. The irony is that when a child of God enters someones womb, they are beautiful and perfect in God’s eyes. They are willing vessels to be used for His glory. They are ready to teach anyone willing to be taught.
Scripture says that “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” Some would interpret that as people who have healthy, living children are blessed, but those who are unable to conceive or choose not to, are not. That is such rubbish! Just because the psychos down the street have children does not mean they are blessed! The kids themselves are blessings, and unfortunately ignorant, unloving, hateful people have reproductive organs, too! Children come into families in many ways, shapes and forms! They can come from your womb or someone else’s, but they are the blessing, the actual child is the BLESSING! YES! One of my many points here is that the person who allows their heart to be transformed by a child is blessed, as well!
The choice is not whether a person should or should not continue a pregnancy! What it boils down to is whether a person is willing to embrace heartache and hope, love and despair, pain and joy all at once simply by allowing the sweet little life growing in them the amount of days ordained by God. I am not going to blow sunshine at anyone and say it is easy to love deeper than you ever dreamed possible and then hurt so badly that your heart physically aches in your chest. Daily. No. Losing a child sucks. It totally sucks, regardless of the amount of time in seconds, minutes, hours, or days. Yes, you will forever be the people on the block that lost a child. You will walk into public places and have urges to announce that your child died, that you miss him every moment of every day, and that you think it should at least merit a free latte, unlimited speeding tickets, unlimited emotional chocolate binges or a free tank of gas every time you say so! But more realistically, you will have grief attacks when you least expect it, you will be reminded of things and wonder what your child would be doing at such and such an age…you will never forget. If that is what some women who have abortions think they will avoid by choosing to end their child’s life, they can forget it because forgetting won’t ever happen. Forgetting is not an option. That child still existed and whether you think you allowed your heart to be affected or not, it was…what I want to encourage you to do is allow that child to fully affect your life for its intended amount of time…you will be in awe of the depth of love you will know. If anyone can name one woman on earth who chose abortion and came out emotionally unscathed then you can scratch everything written here…it’s not possible.
I’m having a very difficult time putting into words the ones that flowed freely in my heart last Friday morning. Why I didn’t sit down at the computer when I got home…well, let’s see, I’m a SAHM, I can think of a million reasons. Anyway.
If you have had an abortion, God loves you dearly, just as He does every other person on this earth. He made you, He loves you, and He desires to heal you. He also forgives you if you will allow your heart to admit it needs healing. He is gracious. He is tender. He is not carrying a poster with your sins in red ink down the street for all to see. He isn’t strapped to a bomb outside an abortion clinic. He loves you and desires to be known by you.
If you are considering to terminate your pregnancy because you have been given a death prognosis for your child, as painful as that reality is, I implore you to know that your child will be healthy in Heaven, waiting for you one day. In the meantime, allow yourself to love more deeply than is fathomable. You will not regret the power of that choice.
If you are considering an abortion because your pregnancy doesn’t fit conveniently into your lifestyle, life is not all about you. It’s not. No, it’s not all about you…BUT, it can be all about you changing to be a selfless person…
My heart is this…a child, regardless of the number of days in your womb, or the shortened days on this earth, is a gift from God because anyone who meets that sweet baby, if they allow themselves to love freely, will never be the same. And there are a lot of people, myself included, that could really stand to never be the same out there…
Each child, even if their prognosis is no life outside the womb, deserves to be carried for as long as their mom’s loving body will hold them. Yes, your heart will be wrecked because you may have to say goodbye to your baby, the one you painted the nursery for, the one you longed to read stories to, the very one you thanked God for when you found out you were pregnant, or the same one that began growing in you, not by your choice, but by force! I’m not saying any of these scenarios are easy! The reality is, healing from your brokenness will start the moment you allow your shattered heart to love that little life growing in you. It may take a lifetime to realize the profound impact your choice to carry that dying child in your womb had on you, but you will never be the same…and for most of us, that isn’t a bad thing…
(Yes, I was on a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg walk…)
Well spoken. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I was in a situation about 8 years ago where the easy thing to do would have been to have an abortion. I couldn’t even consider it because I knew life starts at conception. A baby has a beating heart by 8 weeks (or is it 6?). My heart knew it wasn’t right…not for me or my baby. I AM SO GLAD I DIDN’T HAVE AN ABORTION! That decision changed my life and I’m not going to lie and say it’s been easy. First of all I had to tell my parents I was pregnant, and knowing they would be greatly disappointed in me (and feel like killing me…or should I say my baby’s daddy 😉 ) it was the hardest thing I had ever done. We got through it. I gave up traveling I longed to do, being able to go and hang out with friends (ex. movies), and I am the one who stays at home with my kids while friends my age go out together because they don’t have kids and we don’t really fit into their single plans. I won’t lie, I do miss these things. But I will tell you that having that beautiful baby boy changed me and my life in ways I can’t describe. He taught me a love that I had never even imagined existed. He blessed me with every smile, coo, twinkle in his eye. Now at 7 1/2 years old he blesses me with his goofy grin, that same twinkle in his eyes, his sweetness and loving nature towards his younger brothers, his love for learning. What I am trying to get at is that I CAN NOT imagine my life without him. He is one of the sweetest boys I know and without him I wouldn’t be who I am today.
I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am that I wouldn’t even allow myself to consider abortion. I KNOW that if I had aborted him I would have missed him every moment of every day and my life would have been very sad. Instead it is filled with joy that this little boy brings to me. I would encourage anybody considering abortion to not think about how your life is going to change if you have the baby, but think about how your life will change if you don’t. I personally know women who have had abortions and are scarred for life. They miss their babies with all their hearts and there is nothing that will fill the void. God has helped them heal but they still feel emptiness and deep grief knowing it was their choices that ended the baby’s life. I hope that my story is an encouragement that it is worth going through any negatives (that result from not having an abortion) to have that sweet, innocent baby in your life for whatever amount of time God allows.
I’m sorry, Adrienne, that this comment has been so long. I didn’t mean for it to be, but had so much in my heart to share. I hope you don’t mind. It’s really the first time I’ve shared this part of my life publicly.
Thanks for sharing your heart and wisdom on this, Ade. I appreciate it! I’ll reply to your e-mail when I have a bit more time. Love you, praying for you!
so true!!!! preach it girl!
my heart is 100% pro-life. i’ve been involved in many ways in furthering the culture of life in my community.
i would have to say that radical pro-lifers, and those that believe women should be condemned and disgraced are the minority.
certainly they will get the most press, because no one wants to hear that there are churches (like mine), that lovingly welcome, embrace, forgive, support and offer every comfort possible to women who have had abortions. just as they would to any other sinner, as myself.
the majority of us, believe in the power of prayer. prayer changes people…God changes hearts. there is a time and place to perhaps be more verbal (especially with our votes), but all action should be smothered in prayer.
One thought comes to mind. If someone chooses NOT to have an abortion, that child could grow up to be a firefighter/police officer/surgeon, etc., and in fact, that saved child could end up saving other lives!
I am adopted. My bio mom was a 16 year old unwed high school girl. She could have taken the “easy” way out and aborted me. My adopted family has been awesome. I have had a great life and needless to say, I am totally against abortion!
If you feel you cannot give a baby a good home and good life, do the right thing, chose adoption. You will have no regrets, because you’ll give precious life to a baby and answer the prayers of a couple who have the means to raise that baby with love.
another good one Adrienne 🙂
This post moved me to tears. A child is most certainly a gift from God.
I guess different people have different ways of reacting to things that bother them. The apostle Paul’s first reaction to the disciples of Jesus was to get rid of them. He had a zeal….but it was mis-directed….it was so mis-directed, that Paul was fulfilling what Jesus had foretold his disciples…”they will kill you and think that they are doing God a favor.” Maybe, instead of being violent against people who give or have abortions, it would be more effective to open a center next door to abortion clinics that offers support for the women who are pregnant to help carry them through to offering their child for adoption, or being able to see how they could make it as a single mom. Being able to walk out God’s purposes through our lives will always involve doing things that are harder than we think we can do…….we’ll just be the better person for it if we do it…..God’s way.
I’m so glad that comment from that radical anti-abortionist guy is gone. I agree with you 100%, Adrienne. A church is a place for redemption–no matter what the sin–because that’s what Jesus does…REDEEMS.
This made me cry and touched my heart so deeply.
You spoke my heart…..in yours.
love & hugs & blessings~
What a great post! I can completely understand where you are coming from. I am one of those women who was diagnosed prenatally with a disorder that doctors knew would likely be fatal. “termination” was suggested but we chose to give it to God as it was His to begin with. Our son Asher was with us for 35 minutes. He is now in Heaven with his brother Isaac. I just love your blog. What a blessing Noah is!
“If you are considering an abortion because your pregnancy doesn’t fit conveniently into your lifestyle, life is not all about you. It’s not. No, it’s not all about you…BUT, it can be all about you changing to be a selfless person…”
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE what you wrote here. SOOOO true. Where would my parents be if my bio. parents hadn’t given me up for a better life?????
JIll in MN
Thank you for provoking my thoughts once again…I wish I could’ve had some of these thoughts on the tip of my tongue when the girl from Planned Parenthood came to my door almost two years ago asking me to support them…but holding my new baby girl visibly in my arms I told her that I was very much pro-life, especially now that I had this child in my world. She seemed sincerely touched, and I hope that she was. Thank you for your honesty.
Lots of love,
Beautifully spoken…I often wonder how women struggle and cope with unplanned pregnancy. My mother became pregnant at age 29, a recent widow, and mother to two very young children-the year was 1968. Thinking back to those days, I wonder how she must have felt to be pregnant in her situation-she was a SAHM just like every other woman-My mother ultimately chose life and married the father of the baby-I am so grateful and happy to say that I was that baby. My life has been blessed. I am 38 years old, have a wonderful marriage of almost 15 years and am the mother of two beautiful, healthy daughters, ages 10 and 3. I am grateful the Lord sent me and that my mother kept me in her womb despite her own fears, grief, longing or whatever feelings she experienced. Thank you for another wonderful post-you are a blessing to many, many people. God Bless.
thank you for a beautiful, very articulate post. as the product of an unplanned teenage pregnancy, my heart is also very much pro-life.
i remember a few years ago, while we were going through the wonderful adventure of infertility, someone my brother knew got pregnant and decided on abortion. she was desperate and could not see any other way out, and despite my brother and his girlfriend begging her to not choose abortion, she did.
i’ll never forget begging God to do something, anything, to stop her. i told Him i would take care of that baby, and i wept and agonized over her decision.
when i got pregnant with my son a while later, i remember thinking that to the degree that i was so excited and telling everybody and bouncing off the walls with joy… that woman was feeling that same degree of desperation and agony, and not knowing where to turn. she needed someone who would love her and stand beside her, and didn’t really have anyone that she would let in. i think about her now and wonder how she is, praying that God is taking care of her.
So great…I hear your heart speaking in each word. I cannot imagine what our life would be like if we had done what the Dr. recommended to us when we were given Pearl’s fatal diagnosis…termination. I know for so many this seems like the easy way, a quick solution, but in the long term…a much harder choice to live with. I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in the moment and terminate following a fatal diagnosis. I want families to know they do have a choice and they are not alone on their journey to love and cherish each moment they have with the gift that is growing inside.
I loved each moment Pearl was in my arms and miss her each day..but I am so thankful that we had the choice to chose life for her.
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your hearts and stories here. My prayer is that when God brings people into our lives we will recognize those opportunities, not to try to change them, but to love them the way Christ demonstrated. He really was an amazing example of unconditional love. Some friends and I have recently been talking about expectations…how we are able to love more deeply when we set our expectations for that person aside…Obviously God had expectations that His children follow His simple instructions in the Garden. When those weren’t met, He loved them anyway, but it doesn’t mean their hearts weren’t affected. I praise God for each child represented here that has been loved and allowed to live on this earth. I also praise God for those great kids whose parents were too fearful or overwhelmed to love them here…because of God’s grace, they are loved by Him. Because of God’s grace in Jesus, those mom’s can be reunited with those kids again one day. However, that might mean that a particular woman needs to allow her heart to be healed and reconciled to God. It’s a gracious gift that is free! If God forgives you, why can’t you receive that forgiveness and forgive yourself? Blessings… Ade xoxox
ummm, you dont know me but somehow i have been fowarded your blog from a family member, who i am not sure if she knows you either, but…..i loved your post. my husband and i lost our first baby girl at 28 weeks of pregnancy, unexpectedly. i have so many wonderful memories of my pregnancy that i feel like God specifically gave to me knowing she would not breathe a breath on earth. we have pictures….i could go on forever. but even though i only got to hold her for a short time, even though i wanted to hold her forever, and i never saw her beautiful blue eyes she would have gotten from her daddy like her sisters…i love her with all my heart and have come to a place in the last 2 yrs that i would say i wouldnt change a thing. God moved in our lives and those of our family and friends in ways He wouldnt have been able to do thru any other event. i cant imagine not holding her or kissing her or having the brief memories that i hold so dear. and every time i look at the little girls i have now (yes it has only been two years and we have 2 girls, i have been pregnant FOREVER 🙂 i think of features they might have shared and sweet kisses that we miss so much. we visit her grave, and even though i havent figured out how to incorporate her memory into my children’s lives exactly, i want them to know they had a beautiful big sister that watches over them every day! thank you for you willingness to be transparent thru your pain and minister to others as well.
From this thankful, adoptive mommy of four precious “unplanned babies” I just have to say AMEN. Praise God for the birthmothers who can see beyond themselves and choose LIFE for their babies. Praise God that I get to be blessed by their sacrifice. Praise God for every woman who chooses to love despite the potential heartache and pain.
You have touched me with this entry. The Lord has used your words to clarify my thoughts and understand His purpose for me in my role as a Christian nurse. He brought me directly to your blog in the most amazing way. Clearly He had a plan today. Thank you for being open to Him, so He could speak through you.
Wow. Beautifully written. I really feel that God was using you as an instrument on that post (as He probably does on many others). I love that you hit home on cherishing each and every “gift from God”, and I love that you send hope to anyone who has made a different choice. I would not choose abortion, but I have also never been in a situation where abortion was offered to me as an option. I am not without sin, so judging anyone who does make that choice is not for me to do. I will take your lead and pray that those who consider abortion will accept God’s gift, and if not, for them to admit their hearts need healing and allow God to do the rest.
Awsome i couldnt have said it better i think we need u as president for all your views!!! we love your family
Hi i have been following your blog since almost the beginging! your family is wonderful and so full of love i recently meet a little boy named jack from my hometown who has a rare form of brain cancer and is only 3 If you could please pray for Jack and his family to get through this very hard time
Please visit his site http://www.jacksbattle.com
i to was the product of an unplanned pregnancy. my parents were 16 and 17. my mom quit school, my daddy got a job and guess what?! they kept me!!! and raised me to love the Lord and to be a great mom to my son if i may say so myself… 27 years later they are still married BTW.
I wrote a post about my mom and her selfless choice, it’s in my blog archives, i think i’ll unearth it for mother’s day!!!! love you mom and all you other moms out there that could have chosen a different path!!!
Wow, what a moving post. I agree with every single word. As a childless 40-something year-old from a large family, I never imagined I wouldn’t have at least 1/2 of a baseball team by now (that’s 4 with one brewing for those keeping track 🙂 I can’t imagine myself 20 years from now without grandchildren to spoil and used to pray constantly for God to find me a loving husband and a womb to bear many children. My prayers now are for God’s will (of course I keep trying to direct His will 🙂 and for Him to continue to place sweet children in my life, which He has done so graciously throughout my life.
I had unmarried unprotected sex at too young an age and after my divorce and could have easily been an unwed mother or even have chosen to abort because I wasn’t yet saved. Who knows? I know women who have aborted and I even accompanied a friend to her abortion when I was 17 because she asked. I was extremely naive and all I really heard was that a friend needed me. I couldn’t really comprehend what was going on while I was sitting there waiting for her, but what struck me the most was how indifferent she ‘seemed’ after the procedure. She was of a faith that didn’t believe abortion was wrong, but I’ll bet her heart aches to this day and will until she leaves this earth. I pray right now she finds the Lord and accepts his grace and mercy and knows she’s forgiven if she seeks his forgiveness. God, please reveal yourself to her today if you haven’t already and change her heart.
Ade, I can’t wait for your book. When will it be done??!!! I want a signed copy and a drawing in crayon by Em on the inside cover (big smile.) xo
wow. Beautiful, and so perfectly spoken. I can honestly say I have had ALL of those same thoughts.
Thank you for being able to say so eloquently what most of us truly believe.
I’M PROUD OF YOU! So many people avoid this issue. To me, it’s not a issue or even a matter to be considered, abortion that is! God knows us & has a plan for us even before we are conceived. So, how can we as humans try & change that perfect plan? I get goose-bumps at the sight of the word FETUS…it is a human baby at the moment of conception, not 5 or 8 weeks later but at that EXACT moment. People put more emphesis on their canine families than their own human flesh & blood. I have never had an abortion. But, I am here to tell you that if I were told that I could/would loose my life to continue carrying a child….then, start lining up for the good-byes because God would be with me no matter what come. I would never ever want to be labeled as a murderer. ABORTION IS MURDER, the body is just very tiny, but ALIVE!!!!!!!Thank you for sharing. May God reach someone through you who may be contemplating this decision. Rose in Nashville
(and to the childless 40-something year-old, have you ever considered being a foster parent? you could share your love with dozens of children and possibly adopt)
Thanks Adrienne for your post. I found myself pregnant at 19 and am so thankful abortion did not enter my mind. I was able to give my son (now 10 years old) to an amazing family, something God had written on my heart and has given me so much peace about over the years.
I now work for a crisis pregnancy center and meet with girls every day who are facing an unplanned pregnancy. I want to your readers to know that most pregnancy centers (they are all over the country) and some churches offer support for women (and sometimes men) who have experienced a past abortion. They are usually Bible studies that facilitate God’s healing and forgiveness from their past. For most of these women, it has been 10 or 20 years since their abortion and they have carried the weight of it for so long. What a gift from God when He sets us free from our sin!
From another Mother of a Noah (Noah Matthew) — I wanted to say hello, I love your heart and I am deeply sorry for your loss. May God keep you in His perfect peace — even when none of it makes sense. Amazing story.
I decided to click on your link through another blog, just out of curiosity and because I had a few minutes before the kids needed breakfast.
I scrolled down, quickly finding that you have a daughter, and lost a son…
Then I came upon April 28, 2008.
That is the birthdate of my daughter, Alyssa. 1992.
But she isn’t living life on this earth as my daughter…I found for her a loving mommy and daddy who were married and had prepared a “nest” for a baby.
I was a hard-working, idealistic nanny at the time. I was a Christian who knew better but at the time was suffering depression and a rebellious heart.
I was literally attacked by thoughts of abortion. The temptation swarmed around me every waking moment from the first time the test came back “pregnant”.
But in an amazing and miraculous deliverance, a spiritual vision I fully did not expect (even as I cried out desperately for Him but heard nothing) I came to know what the Lord’s plan was for that little one.
A family was created the moment she was conceived. I just needed to find them! The fog had lifted and it was in that moment that I became a crusader for adoption.
It was just as when I joined my mom and brothers to encourage my dying daddy to “go with the Angel God sent for you, Daddy” a couple years ago. There is nothing so beautiful and yet so heartwrenching for a Christian to go through. The pain, the good-byes, the ache in my heart…they are easily remembered at certain times. But just like my dad, I knew even in those first days after Ali was born that she and I would have a beautiful reunion. And that I was doing the right thing, following God’s plan for uniting infertile couples with women who are unmarried and unprepared. I do have doubt on occasion, but never about that.
Being delivered from Satan’s plan for me to kill my daughter probably saved my life. When I look at the faces of my 3 precious children now, I am so grateful to the Lord that He allowed and trusted me to deliver parenthood into someone else’s life.
I just wanted to share that with you because you are willing to share your pain and joys through your blog. I hope a story from a stranger can brighten your day. You have certainly reminded me that I haven’t praised Him today for his deliverance from that horrible evil of abortion-mindedness. I can’t believe I lived it. I do have a lot more compassion and understanding for those “attacked” like I was, and those who don’t know better and even those who reject outright the laws and love of the Creator.
May the Lord bless your day!
Jill (a different Jill) in MN
jillo1987 – at – yahoo.com