January 12th, in the wee hours of the morning

God, I’m not really sure how it all works…well, obviously, but especially concerning my son, who is in Your full-time care…You see, I love him. And I know You do, too, and that is why he is free and healthy in Your presence, but You know, You don’t always work the way I think You should, and, honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that sentiment…Believe me, Lord, I know that You are good. I love You and have more faith in You today than yesterday and yesterday more than the day before. I know You know that we here don’t get it. I know You know we can’t see the bigger picture. I know there is more living to be done, in Your presence, and this place is temporary. I guess I just want to say, “Thank You” for not allowing us to have to live this side of Heaven without You. All the stuff I don’t get, I lay at Your feet…that’s where faith enters in. But seriously, having a son of my own, I don’t know how You did it, but I am eternally grateful You did, because without Christ, I wouldn’t have the hope of one day living in Your presence…and now, one day, claiming my treasure stored up in Heaven. Thank You.
P.S. You know the routine…
First, kiss the bridge of his nose where my lips fit perfectly (Yours probably do, too, I’m guessing…), then each cheek, his lips, his eyes, his forehead, nibble each ear lobe, his toes, his fingers, elbows, knees, his belly…make silly sounds on his belly and his neck, please…back up to the bridge, repeat all steps, repeat all steps, enjoy, Lord…enjoy…because I miss him and everything I have is in black and white or one dimensional…You have the real thing…he must be pretty amazing…


44 Responses

  1. I have burnt a special candle here today Adrienne. I have thought about you all day. Little Noah is loved and forever missed even by people who never met him.

    May God place his love and peace on all your hearts today.

    Carly x

  2. Oh Adrienne – how my heart ACHES for you! Keep your chin up in the knowledge that he is at peace and free from pain and misses you too!
    Sending love.

  3. I love how you talk with the Lord. I love how you’re so vulnerable in your weaknesses. That lends itself to a teachable spirit. I admire that in you. And I’m thinking that reunion in heaven will be such a sweet moment…

  4. “All the stuff I don’t get, I lay at Your feet…that’s where faith enters in.”


    we must never forget that faith is believing without seeing, without sometimes understanding. we just believe and have faith.

    very comforting words–even for someone who is not healing from a loss like yours.

    XXOO’s to you today.

  5. Noah’s life has brought us all to a new place. Thank you for sharing this road with us. I’m thinking of you and remembering today as well.

    Love ya

  6. thinking of you today….and sweet Noah. a tad jealous that he is in the presence of jesus along with my sons…

    thank you for sharing your heart. may god meet you where you are today…

  7. Can’t stop thinking of you….I was up at midnight looking at the fresh blanket of snow and asking God to cover your heart with peace as well as the assurance He kissed your sweet Noah in all the right places. I am so proud of you and can’t wait for the day when we are with all of our family again. I know Pearl found a special place for her and Noah to have a picnic today…right on the beach! I love you friend.

  8. adrienne…
    God has blessed you with so much strength to carry on as you have…trusting Him. you must have pain from your loss, but you are so strong. i am thinking of you today as you remember what two years ago brought you….and since those two years, from all that you write….God gave you still, so much to carry on what He took Home. you have given your little noah a voice…God’s voice. how beautiful…nothing more than beautfiful than that. i will also be praying for you tonight as you walk into “the well”. i wish i was local so that i could attend, but i will pray for you and all of the women, that God would fill that place! what a gift He has blessed you with, especially on this day. God is good! thank you for always sharing! bless you!

  9. Sending hugs and love knowing that no words can take away the longing for Noah to be in your arms again. You chose to do the hardest thing a mother could ever do and you did it with compassion, grace and mercy. The Lord chose you to be Noah’s mother for those reasons, I am certain of that. Noah’s life was no small thing and you sharing yourself and your journey has been used by God to help so many others. When I found your site, just days before you let Noah go, I knew it took a very special person to be able to do what you did. Your sacrifice of love has not gone unnoticed, neither here on earth, or in Heaven. May the Lord bless you and continue to fill you with HIs love and peace.

  10. We have not met in person, however, I came upon your blog recently via another blog. I wanted to stop by today and let you know that I am praying for you today.

  11. Dear Adrienne,
    I have thought of you every day since being introduced to your blogg. In college, I always thought you were so strong and secure in both who you were and your faith. After all these years, I have read of the pain, the promises, and your hopes. Many would have walked away, broken and confused…but still you cling to the only hope, the only Savior. You continue to encourage me to be better, to stand in difficult times for the one that holds your heart and mine in His hands. Noah has forever left an imprint on my heart and has changed me. I will never take my boys for granted, nor will I let one day pass where I forget to tell my children how much I love them. I will try kissing the bridge of their noses tonight….with thoughts of Noah.
    Thank you.

  12. You are an inspiration Adrienne. I have been thinking and praying for your family all weekend. May God bring you and your family peace today.
    Thanks for sharing your heart and Noah with the world.

  13. Two years ago (on a date very close to Jan. 12th) I had to say goodbye to my sweet baby girl. I can relate to your feelings. Thank the Lord that the Holy Spirit steps in when we just do not know what to pray or how to pray, and for me especially when I just did not (still do not) understand. Faith. That’s what got me through….I’ve been a reader of your blog for two years and must tell you that your faith is contagious!! 🙂 Thank you for sharing.

  14. Tears are falling…I admire you so much…your vulnerable spirit and your unmoving, unrelenting belief in Him. Don’t you know the Lord is delighting in your sweet Noah!? I am sure He is fulfilling your prayers and giving him lots of kisses. Sending prayers your way… I know you miss him so. Looking forward to hearing all about “The Well.”

  15. I prayed that Noah will come to you somehow today, in a dream, an inappropriately-placed bird or animal, or just in his no doubt strong presence. I look at your photos of Noah when he was first born and I have said it before, there was an old soul in there!

    I will be thinking about The Well and sending blessings to you and all of tonight’s participants!


  16. Hi. I found you through someone else’s blog…and I honestly can’t, for the life of me, remember who. But what I do remember and do know is that your son’s story, your story, your family’s story has touched me and rocked me to.the.core.
    Never having carried any of my three children to term, I can’t even begin to imagine what your heart aches. But I am in awe of your strength and in your relationship with God. Amazing.
    And as I write this, I get the feeling I’ve already commented somewhere. Sorry. I really AM that scatterbrained sometime. Really.

  17. Adrienne, As usual your words are beautiful. I have been thinking of you all day. Addison and I said a special prayer for your family tonight. She can even say Noah (pronouned Nuh) as that is her cousins name. God Bless you, your strength, and your faith. God Bless Emily. We already know God is blessing “Nuh” over and over and over again every day.

  18. My heart continues to break for you. I am so often moved by your posts, and inspired by posts like this to spend as much time as possible soaking in my little boy and pray for him and our next little blessing on the way. Thank you for sharing your tender and broken heart for the Lord.

  19. I’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog but I’ve been visiting here for quite a while. Whenever I see pictures of little Noah, my eyes well up with tears. His sweet, angelic face and chubby cheeks melt my heart. I’m grieving with you in your loss.

  20. Hey Adrienne, Jason & Emily, Thinking of you today. Thank you for sharing your lives with all of us. Love your honesty and your faith. xx Ashley Workman Thomas

  21. Dear Adrienne,

    I’m thinking about you today and have been praying for you, Jason and Emily.

    It is precious to imagine God cradling your son and giving him kisses, per your instructions…

    May God give you strength today.

    I’m also praying for The Well ministry.

    Blessings and love for you and your family…I’m missing Noah with you…

  22. Thinking of you on this hard day and thanking God for you and Noah’s blog. Missing and loving Noah even though I never met him. Thank you for sharing him and your lives with all of us. Love, Leah

  23. Praying for you today.
    Happy Birthday Noah. I hope you are running and dancing among the clouds. Send your Mommy some love today so she can feel your presence over her.

    May you find extra comfort today in the knowledge of the amazing birthday Noah must be having today. And extra hugs to Em and Jason too.

    Your Noah has touched many lives including mine.

  24. I just wanted you to know I am praying for you right now… praying for God’s peace to just flood you today. I can’t wait to hear about “The Well”. Prayers for “The Well” are going up in Oklahoma. God continues to use you and your sweet son Noah, to proclaim HIM and His glory to others. Praise God!

  25. Thinking of you as you face this of many hard days. Your words speak of your sorrow yet your hope and dreams! You can tell how loved Noah was by you and by all of us who never knew him. I wish you peace today!

  26. thinking of you…praying for you. thank you for sharing your heart and your sweet Noah, what a treasure. praying that last night went well…and that God is so evident to you.

  27. Adrienne, Jason and Emily,

    Praying with you as you miss your precious Noah. Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith.

    Peace be with you,


    P.S. Thank you for following Philip’s journey 🙂

  28. Yes, tears are falling from my eyes too. I pray for your comfort and your peace while missing the precious little guy. Noah looks enough like my son to make his story really grab my heart every time I visit your blog.

    I praise God that Noah is well and very happy in His care, but I hurt for you living without him. Hugs…

  29. Ade, I have been thinking about you this week. I just read your post and got all choked up. The part about the kissing…

    I love you, friend. Can’t wait to spend time w/you again soon. Please let me know if you need anything.


  30. Thank you for sharing your sweet little Noah with all of us…I continue to pray for you and Jason and Emily.

  31. I kept it together until your kissing routine…

    I remember all too well sitting at this very computer with tears streaming down my cheeks reading all of Noah’s story from the first post two years ago in November. I remember how my heart truly ached for your family when I read the post that you had given Noah to God and I wept as if I knew him. I have continued to follow your inspiring words ever since, and I am often reminded of the important things in life when I visit your blog. Just wanted to thank you for being so honest in your posts and tell you how touched I have been by Noah’s story and yours.

  32. Noah is beautiful! I just came across your blog this morning. Your life is truly an example of what a beloved daughter of the Almighty God is like. You not only know about God but you truly know Him…and it shows. God Bless you.

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