I know you hear Mommy tell you, “I love you”, every day, throughout the day, but the truth is, those three words that we humans use to express our deepest feelings are an expression of the Divine. When I tell you how much I love you, I mean it with all my guts. I can’t even begin to explain my love for you.
Em, Mommy used to be very, very selfish. I’m not saying I’m not selfish anymore, but my selfishness is definitely different than it was. You see, I never really knew if I’d be a good mommy or not. I didn’t really know if I wanted to be one at all, but I thought I would at least give it a try. I know that may sound funny, but for Mommy, I’m a very visual person, so just because other people were parents and made it look beautiful didn’t mean that I would know what to do once I was a parent. It was a scary thought…being responsible for another human being is kind of a big deal. So, even while I was pregnant with you, the thought of being a mommy was surreal. Literally, not until the moment I met you at 11:33 am on July 11, 2002, did I know that I was capable of loving another person so much. Now, don’t get me wrong…I love your Daddy so much! He and I are very much in love. But he and I would both admit that being your Daddy and Mommy has taught us a love we didn’t know existed within us.
The moment I saw you, I knew I would have done anything to protect you, while at the same time, I knew I would have died for you. It was the moment you were born that I finally realized the love my parents had always had for me.
Hugs, squeezes, kisses, snuggles, holding your hand, staring at you, watching you sleep, tickling your toes, looking into your eyes, hearing you laugh, watching you smile…and of course, telling you not only how much I love you but how great I think you are, how smart you are, how beautiful your heart is…being proud of you…these are the limited ways in which I know how to show you how much I care.
I know you may not ‘get’ this until you are older…or, more likely, you ‘get it’ better than anybody, but when I say, “I love you, Em”, what those three words entail the whole world cannot even contain it. I tell you, “I love you bigger than the Universe”, and even then, that amount of space isn’t even sufficient for me to truly express how I feel about you…
But Em, even knowing that Mommy loves you that much, what is even more amazing than that is God loves you even more…I know. It’s really difficult to grasp, isn’t it? A God we cannot even see, but that we know is real, really and truly loves us…every single person on Earth.
I knew God loved me before you were born. I knew that even though horrible things happen on Earth, that He was good. But the moment I met you, I understood His love a little more. If I was willing to do anything to protect you from harm, or even die for you, and I’m just your mom, it’s not rocket science that God would do the same for the whole Universe. That He would, and did, do EVERYTHING to protect you from what the Enemy of our hearts intended…that He would literally die for you, and the rest of the world.
Sweet girl, my love letter to you will never end. God’s love letter to the world won’t ever end either. As crazy and impossible as it sounds, He literally loves us more than we love each other…and guess what?! That’s got to be a lot of love because I love you bigger than the Universe…to the moon and back…to infinity and beyond…