On August 2nd, 2006, Noah left our home for the rest of his earth life. I really thought it would be a short trip. It was supposed to be an outpatient visit with neurology. I woke up bawling. For some reason, the year anniversary of the day he entered the hospital is harder than I expected. I am grateful that times have changed and that Em was allowed to visit her brother whenever she wanted to. I told her that today, one year ago, she was at home with a babysitter while we took Noah to the hospital. She said, “He never came home again.” I said, “I know, Em. I think that stinks. I really miss that beautiful boy.” She said, “I miss him, too.”
It’s been difficult for me to read whether Emily knows how to miss her brother. Sometimes when I ask her, she says, “No. He’s in heaven. He’s okay.” But, the other night, I told her a story (without using names) about a loving mommy and daddy that wanted a baby, so God sent a sweet little girl. Then, the mommy and daddy and big sister wanted another baby, so God sent a little boy. He loved that family more than anything, but God said it was time to come to heaven…He even gave the sweet little guy a glimpse of it. Then the boy said, “Please make sure my big sis and mommy and daddy know I love them and that where I’m going, they can come too, really soon. It will help them.” I said in the story that the family was sad, but that they had hope. Emily had her head in the pillow and I realized she was bawling. (This is the first time she’s had a good cry about losing her brother…) She said, “Mom, that story is about us. It makes me sad.” I said, “Sweetie, I didn’t tell you that story to make you sad. It’s okay to be sad, Em. Some days we will miss Noah more than other days. Is today a day like that for you?” She said, “Yes, mom, I miss my brother.”
Even though, as a parent, we hate to see our children sad, it was good for Em to learn that when Christ said to live one day at a time, He meant it. It wasn’t thrown in there to take up space! Some days are better than others, and some days just BITE!