I’ve been thinking a lot lately how there was a period of time in my walk with God that the mention of His name didn’t really do jack squat for me. It didn’t evoke awe. I wasn’t drawn to my knees. No tears were shed. My heart didn’t beat any faster. I loved Him the only way I knew how, but I was not passionate towards Him. So, then, that became my ‘normal’. I knew I loved Him but there really wasn’t a reverence or pursuit on my end, above and beyond the weekly church attendance and daily prayer (over meals!) He wasn’t that fascinating to me, more of a God who loved everyone, way up high in the sky, doing His thing, but not really interested, truly, if I came to say ‘Hi’ everyday or not. We coexisted. Yeah, that’s it. We totally coexisted. And that’s where the indifference sets in. It happens in our human relationships all the time, namely marriages. Who knows, perhaps you literally haven’t spoken more than 30 words to your spouse in the last week because, though you love them, you are both busy, have dozens of kids, have errands and events, so coexisting has just become the norm. I assure you it is not.
I have ceased to coexist with God. It wasn’t worth it. I was just taking up space and He wasn’t being allowed to show His love for me the way He desired. I don’t even keep Him at arms length anymore. It’s a waste of my time, really. No, instead, I decided to take Him at His word. I decided to actually read, and re-read, and then read again, the words He so lovingly spoke to scribes long ago…for me. I decided to bend my knees and start praying for my family, friends, loved ones, enemies, the world around me. I decided that there was no way on earth with 10% percent brain function that I was even grasping an iota of the infinite God of the universe, the One who understands, LIKE NO OTHER, the depth of sorrow of willingly losing a son. I am daily in awe of my Lord, not just ‘God’, (Lord reveals Someone on the throne of your heart, which also means you have removed yourself from that position…).
Obviously with Noah my perspective on life, and the reality of God and heaven, changed dramatically. The thought of God evokes awe. The fact that God willingly sent His son to die for me brings humility, thankfulness, grief, and hope. The reality that I am loved by the Creator of the universe and that He really is interested in my daily goings on, brings me to tears when I dwell on it.
Whether I sit, stand, bow, or kneel (hands lifted to God not caring what anyone else thinks since praise & worship isn’t about others…) in praise and worship at church to corporately honor God, I am humbled that I am actually in communication with the King of kings and Lord of lords. I don’t know why I wear mascara every week when it all ends up on the backs of my hands or down my cheeks like a rock star. As I sit and look at the pink mountains illuminated from the sun He formed in His hand, I am dumbfounded. When I look at Em and really think about the gift she is to us, I am blown, or the way that Jason reflects His character in the way he loves us, I am so grateful to Him. This God I worship is real and alive and loves me almost beyond my comprehension, but not so much that it passes me by. I get it. A little bit, anyway, and I want to ‘get it’ more. I do, and you can, too, if you simply state the obvious, “Lord, I want to know You more than I do. Let me know Your love the way You want to me know it. Help me get out of my own way.” We make it more complicated than it really is. We confuse depth with complication. That’s exactly what the devil would want us to think. That’s why so many ‘coexist’.
How does God move you, or are you coexisting?