Update: Em LOVES school! Like, Luhhhh UVVVS it! Trying to get across the love here, people…hope you are catching on…

Just had to share this:

The other day while I was bent over picking up bath toys, I get a small-handed smack on the rear. Em says, “Mom, how come your buns are hard as a rock?!”

A smile instantly spreads across my face, but knowing a smart ass answer would not pacify the kid, I had to admit the only reason was because I was bent over (just the facts, ma’am, just the facts)…I proceeded to stand up, and, like magic, my buns of steel were gone. Gravity took control of the situation, and, voila! Sad, but true. It was nice to think I had rock hard buns, if only for a moment. Perhaps when I am done with my Avon walk, my answer will be different, but for now, it is what it is.

Would you like to share one of your “kids say the darnedest things” with the rest of us?



38 Responses

  1. i love those moments from kids. although mine don’t usually have a flattering remark for me. mine tend to be more like, “mom, are sure we’re not having another baby? because your tummy sure looks pregnant.”

  2. The other day, when I was getting Nat’s (4yr old) dress-up clothes all tied in place, she said, “Now I’m going to go to the ball with Luke (he’s 2yr).” I said, “I asked him if he was the baby brother, and he said, ‘no.'”

    She said, “He’s not. He’s my tiny, little prince.” 🙂

  3. We were in the pool this weekend I asked my son (turning 3 on Sept 3rd) if I could borrow his goggles for a sec. He said “Of course!” I said “Thanks” and he responded “My pleasure.”

  4. I have not left a comment before, but have been uplifted by your blog. Sorry this is the first time to comment, but I had to join in on this one.
    One of my daughter’s (3 yr. old) friends was over the other day and they were eating lunch. She said she was finished with lunch and was ready for dessert. I told her she hadn’t quite had enough lunch yet and she said, “well my lunch part is full, but my dessert part is still empty.”
    (I can totally relate)

  5. I was trying yo hurry up my 5 and 3 yr old girls. So, I said”put the needle on the record and lets go” My 5 year old looks at me and says “mom, what’s a record?”
    I am 38, just to give you a date of reference for a record because I did use them.

  6. i was sitting on the little step stool waiting on my daughter to finish up on the potty – she said, “mom, is that another butt?” referring to my cleavage. I told her, “no, those are my breasts.” And she asked if I could poop out of them. Oh my.

  7. Me: Ella, who made daddy and mommy?
    Ella: God
    Me: Who made you?
    Ella: God did!
    Me: Who made your brother?
    Ella: Aliens!

    Sometimes I think she’s right.

  8. Adrienne,

    I’m the NY teacher that wrote to you……

    I was teaching 4th grade and doing a lesson on conservation…….”Kenny” raises his hand and proudly wants to answer…….”isn’t that when you can’t go to the bathroom?” Before I have a chance to educate the class on the word “constipation” vs. “conservation”; the other kids pipe in “yeah, my dad has that and my mom always tells him to eat prunes”, “oh yeah, mom gives my baby brother those to get him to go too” etc. etc. It was the funniest lesson that I’ve ever “taught”.


  9. The story comes from a little boy (4 years old). We are in the car and I over hear him talking to his sister in the backseat. “One, two, three, four, five, I have five nipples!” SO proudly, too. “Sissy, how many do you have?” I asked him what he was counting (for clarification) and he said what i thought he had said. With the best view i could get looking in the rear view mirror, i could see he was looking at his arms. What in the world! I quickly figured out….
    what he meant to say was FRECKLES!

  10. Jackson’s first word was “ball”. He was not even walking yet and already insulting me. 🙂 I was sitting at my desk and he crawled over to me, pulled up on my legs, and started patting my belly saying “ball. ball. ball”. Yes son, that’s because of you.

    Unfortunately, my kid would NEVER mistake my breasts for another butt. They never touch…ever. 🙁

  11. Today we were leaving the pediatrician’s office that happens to be in the hospital so we always see a wide variety of people. As we are exiting there is a sweet white-haired woman probably in her 80’s walking with her daughter who was probably in her 60’s. My 3yr old asks “is that an old lady?” and I told him that wasn’t the nicest way to ask that question and before I could give an example he said “oh sorry, is that an old woman?” The two ladies just giggle and tell him he was sweet.

  12. A little boy at my daycare came up to me and said “you’ve got one, two, three boobs” as he pointed to each one and then my stomach. I guess it’s time to lose some weight.

  13. YOU ROCK!!!! ha ha
    Last night Annabell told Chris the list of rules. ” First you have to relax, dont hit your brothers and FOCUS.” hmmmm

  14. I’ve been trying to think of a delicate way to share my “kids say the darndest things.”

    When my soon-to-be 25 year old daughter was a tick less than two years old, she got a glimpse of her dad buck nekked fresh out of the shower.

    She asked me why daddy had a long butt.

    He was much more careful after that.

  15. We were vacationing at my parents’ home in Virginia, and one evening, my five-year-old DD went into the jacuzzi with my dad and my brother for a few minutes. The conversation lulled, and DD piped up and said, “Hey, after this, anybody want to get a cappuccino?” We have no idea where she came up with this(neither DH nor I is a coffee drinker), but it definitely brought down the house! 😀

    ~Laura on Wren

  16. The funniest thing my boy has said recently involves passing gas, so please proceed with caution.

    My daughter, 19, heard my son, 6, say, “Excuse me.” She didn’t answer, so he said it loudly again. Finally she said, “What did you do?” knowing full well what the answer was. He answered, “I pooted.” She says, “That’s so gross! When you get older, what’s your girlfriend going to say if you do that in front of her one day??” As serious as he could possibly be, my son replied, “She’s going to say, ‘Wow! You’re a good pooter!'”

    We all rolled! It’s our favorite thing to say now in our mostly male household! And my dad wonders why my mom never told him that.

  17. I have not left a comment but have been blessed by this blog for 2 years. While getting dressed the other day my 4yr. old saw me putting on a thong and looked at me,paused and said “Mom, I think thats too small for you…”

  18. These are great! In response to the thong comment, same situation, but my daughter said, “Mom, I thought that your underwear was supposed to be bigger in back and smaller in front…”

  19. I kinda thought this should be one saved for just “family”, but after reading these posts with my husband and both of us laughing out loud…here is our 3 year old’s “ism”…she also walked in on Daddy going to the bathroom. Pointing and laughing she asks, “Why are you squeezing your tail?”
    Thanks for the belly laughs, everyone!

  20. When our son was about 4 yrs old, I caught him up in the top of the apple tree in our back yard. I screamed at him, “Kyle, what are you doing in the top of that tree? You get down here right now!!!” Without missing a beat, he replied, “Don’t worry mom, I know this tree like the back of my head.”

    Chris K

  21. When my grandson Caleb was about 5 years old I shaved off my beard. He had never seen me without it. “Grandpa, are you a twin?” “No, Caleb, I just shaved off my beard. I’m really your Grandpa.” “Well, you don’t look like a grandpa. You look like an old kid.”

  22. OK, my husband is a smoker, and one night my son had a bad ear ache, so he took hom to the urgent care near by why I stayed hom ewith our newborn. There was a wait that night, and after about 45 minutes of waiting with a fever and a killer booboo in his ear, he proceeds to say “I could use a cigarette!!” I’m guessing he has heard my husband say this at some point in his–at the time– 3 years of life. The gentleman who was next in line let my son go next, as to not feed to his addiction.

  23. “my stomach is crying”. that’s how my son expressed his nervousness to me about his second day of school.

  24. Yesterday when I read these, I felt the urge to ramble off one of my list of MANY MANY things my older son comes up with. And then this happened yesterday and I HAD to share it!!! We just put our house on the market (we’ve done this before for 18 months and nothing happened so our hopes aren’t too high this time around.) Anyway, we have a showing tomorrow (today now) so Josh and I were working on the house some. I told Jayden we were going to try to sell this house and buy a new one. He is 3 1/2 and says to me “How are we going to do that mom, it won’t fit in a shopping cart.” I just smiled, hugged him and said I love you.

  25. My son is four and we have been watching tadpoles turn into frogs all summer. The other day I was cutting up a mango and he asked me “Does a mango turn into a fla…mango?”


  26. Okay, I have another one.

    Last night after Jackson’s bath, I wrapped him up in a white towel and said, “I’m wrapping you up like a mummy!” He said, “I’m not a mommy.” So I said, “Not mommy, silly, mummy. Do you know what a mummy is?” And Jackson declared, “Of course. It’s when your brains come out of your nose.”

    Rach–sound like good rules to me!

    Love the long butt, small panty, and good pooter remarks. Dang kids!

  27. When my eldest was 5 she wanted to know the proper terms for body arts. I told her a few and proceeded to giggle endlessly when she realized that I as well as her and her baby sister had …Vadiamonds.

  28. LOVE the comments on this post! They are a riot. Had to add one of my favorites…my four year old walked in one morning while I was ironing (a rare occasion!) and said, “Hey mom, when you’re finished cooking your clothes could you make me a pop tart?”.

  29. My nephew told us all one night, “Stop it, I am not in the moon!”
    What will my 2 year olds come up with later on? I can’t wait to hear! These should all be submitted to Readers Digest. Oh wait, did I just announce my age? (Im only 39 but my parents took RD for years)
    -Shannon in Austin

  30. Okay,I’m Emily’s grandma, Bebe, and I have to tell this one. When Emily was 3, her Grandpa, Bobby & I were driving her somewhere in the car. We were discussing which way we had to turn to get where we wanted to go. We were discussing it back & forth, when Emily popped up with…”Bebe, Bebe….Bobby doesn’t know any better!”

  31. I can’t wait to go back and read the other comments but here is mine…after my double mast. for breast cancer last year, I opted for the reconstruction via tram flap (that’s where they use your stomach to make new ones). Anyway, for a while, I was without nipples and this is what my 7 yr old daughter had to say about it…

    G – “Mom, you don’t have any nipples right now.”
    Me – “No, I don’t”
    G – “I guess they are up there.” (pointing to heaven)
    Me – “Yeah, I guess they are in nipple heaven.”
    G – “Oh no mom…Jesus keeps them in a box and looks at them every day.”


  32. I’ve been laughing to the point of tears reading this stuff! Thanks to all of you for sharing.

    Here are two from our house:

    This summer we were out for dinner with extended family and my almost 5 DS wanted to pray for our dinner. Before praying he said “Just so you know, this is going to be a short prayer because I am REALLY hungry.”

    When the same DS was 3.5, I was making a grocery list and I said outloud, “Oh, I need half and half.” My DS then said, “Oh mama, just buy the whole thing.”

    Someone else had mentioned sending these stories to Reader’s Digest-I thought the same thing, and I’m 32! 🙂 I love reading the stories in there!

  33. Kids do say the darndest things… The other day, someone told Kaylee, my 5 year old daughter that she looked SO MUCH like her daddy. Kaylee replies, “Not with my clothes off.” So very true!

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