…and to your Daddy,

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I thought a lot about what it means to me to be your Mama and I must say it is a humbling honor. Emily, who is technically the middle kid, reminds me often of the brother or sister that was born before her at only 9 weeks. It’s not that I don’t think of you, sweet little one, so please forgive me if it comes across that way…I am actually quite grateful for you and the profound mark you had on me. If you had not lived within me for such a short amount of time, I know that I would not have held on so tightly to the Lord when I was pregnant with your little sister. I would have taken that pregnancy for granted, personally, because your Mama is an out of sight, out of mind type of girl often. And, if we hadn’t lost you, and then had Emily, I’m not so sure I would have been up for having a third child, your sweet little brother, Noah Steven, whom you have likely met by now…Not that 2 is a magic number for how many kids a family should have. It isn’t. But there are other moms who are better at it than me. Anyway, kids, I always said that I wanted to have 2 – 4 kids. I most certainly did not imagine that my desire for 2 – 4 kids would turn out quite as it has, though I praise God with my whole heart that the three of you have been exactly who you are supposed to be and have graced my life for as long, or as short, as you have or did. A lot of other parents would likely call me a weirdo for praising God for my ‘odds’, wondering why I am not bitter, jaded, angry at God and “Are you going to try for more?” I’m not really interested in what other people think…I hope in our time together, no matter the length, that is one thing you have in your heart, along with the fact that God created you and loves you more than your Daddy or I am capable of. God loves you all! We do our very best and love you with the fibers of our beings that are capable of loving, but we make mistakes and mess up royally. God loves you and knew and knows the number of your days, and because of each of your sweet lives, #1, Em, and Noah, I cling tightly to Him.

I know that none of you could have been my sweet kids without a lot of help from your Daddy! I am a Mom because he is your Dad, so Sweetheart, if you read this, thank you from the bottom of my heart for blessing me with 3 great kids, thus far. It’ll be exciting to meet #1 with you someday!

And kids, regardless of what our family currently looks like on Earth, none of us were made for here, so how God is designing it in Heaven is something to which I look forward. In the meantime, little Heaven dwellers, I am going to enjoy each day I am blessed to live here with your sister, Em.

Em, you take my breath away! My heart is so full from all the treasures I store there each time I look at you, hear your voice and can hold your little hand in mine. There is so much I want to tell you, protect you from, show you, and teach you, yet you do this for me everyday. Thank you for blessing me with your life of passion! You are a wonderful daughter and a beautiful child of God!

Noah, sweet guy, I miss you terribly! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you and think of you! I know God said, “Well done, good and faithful servant” to you the moment you entered His presence! The legacy you have left and continue to leave, ALL points to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and for that, I am so proud of you! Lord, since You are reading this, would You mind doing the kiss routine I wrote out for You after Noah left my arms, the one from the archives of 2007? I kiss sweet little baby boys here on Earth and nuggle their ears but it is not my place to love them the way their Mommy’s do, and I don’t, so…You remember the drill.

Thank you, kids, for all you have taught me and continue to show me about my selfish self and my loving Savior! Thank you for humbling me so I can see God the way He desires to be seen. It is an honor to call you my children.



7 Responses

  1. for some reason it is never considered ‘appropriate’ to talk about our share about our children lost to miscarriage in the womb.

    as the mom and dad, that life is a child we’ll meet only in heaven, and is no less part of God’s design then those we hold daily. as a mom who has lost two of her own in that way, it blessed me to read your words that included your own child that you were never able to meet.

    i pray that somewhere in heaven there is a multitude of children, those wanted and unwanted, basking in the love at the feet of Jesus.

  2. Adrienne

    I know this was written for your babies….but boy did I cry!!!!
    It touched my heart so deeply…it made my tears flow and it made me think…yes I can talk to my baby David that I lost too. I never ever thought of that. I always thought of him so far away….but he is as close as Jesus. This just brought tears to my eyes
    because just because he isn’t in my arms doesn’t mean he isn’t waiting for me to talk to him.
    Oh why doesn’t my mind and heart think outside the box? Why don’t
    I just look with my heart as you do Adrienne?
    Thank you, bless you
    big hugs~
    Lynda Bishop

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