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Where Lies Your Beauty?

Today, Em and Ry and I were walking through Walmart.  As we stopped to honk the bike horns on the aisle display, parked between youth men’s clothing and the craft aisles, my eyes locked on the new Sport Illustrated swimsuit calendar, displayed right next to the Justin Bieber and Harry Potter posters.  Thankfully, come December 21st, all the “athletes” who purchased the calendar already, you know, for “sports” inspiration, oh wait, I mean for the articles, won’t even get a chance to look at it each month.

photo “courtesy” of Sports Illustrated 2012 Swimsuit Issue #$%^&*

Tongue.  In.  Cheek.  If only the Mayans were right!  I’m looking forward to my destination…

This display, with two extra large calendars side by side, was at Ryan’s eye level.  He was too busy honking the bike horns to notice.  Thank.  You.  Jesus.

However, Em’s eyes went there and I caught it in the corner of my eye, taking mental note of her response.

We headed to the check out and then to the car.

Me:  Em, I know you saw that poster of the woman in a bathing suit.  What did you think about it?

Em:  I thought it was kind of weird.

Me:  Why did you think it was weird?

Em:  Why would you take a picture of a girl in a really small bathing suit like that?

Me:  There’s a magazine called, “Sports Illustrated,” that is supposed to be a magazine about sports.  You know, like football, basketball, baseball, soccer, tennis, swimming, lacrosse.  You know, sports.  But every year they have one publication dedicated entirely to women in their bathing suits.  What do you think about that?

Em:  What does that have to do with sports?

Me:  Uh-huh.  Who do you think might look at that particular magazine?

Em:  Someone who is kind of weird.

Me:  Actually, it could be anyone.  But do you think it’s necessary or beneficial to the person looking at it?

Em:  No.  It could make them think all girls should look like that.

Me:  Some religions have gone to the extreme to make women cover themselves, as not to draw attention to their outward beauty.  There is nothing wrong with being beautiful.  God made us that way.  But there’s a problem in our culture, in particular, Em.  Some women don’t know they are beautiful.  They believe that what shows on the outside is what matters, and by wearing very little they will get the attention or approval of men.  Our culture has gone to the extreme by encouraging women to wear very little, focusing on our outward appearance.  What do you think about that?

Em:  I want people to know me and love me for who I am on the inside.

Me:  Yeah, me too.  There’s nothing wrong with wearing a bathing suit, Em.  Please don’t hear that.  What I’m trying to say, that’s difficult to understand, is some people look at models and then compare themselves to them, wishing they were like them, assuming they are perfect.  Mommy felt badly about herself for years because I believed in my head those girls were prettier than me.  And, then other people might compare the people in their lives to the women in the calendar, wishing their wife or girlfriend was more like her.  Some guys then get feelings for the women in the magazine and want to be married to them, wishing they could have sex with them, instead of their own wife.  What do you think about that?

Em:  That’s really sad.

Me:  Em, God made you.  He made all of us with unique gifts and strengths, and we are all beautiful.  It’s the world that has tainted that beauty.  I mean, it’s so messed up, Em.  Take, for example, chips.  Some companies have hired a beautiful woman with big boobs and very little clothing to eat chips in their commercial.  I’m not sure what that has to do with chips, but it sells because guys watching the commercial are drawn to the sexuality of the woman.  What do you think about that?

Em:  I think she ate too many chips and her boobs got fat.

Me:  (*note to self:  save breast implant conversation for another day…dear God!)

Me:  Em, the point is:  our beauty comes from inside.  Some people have tried to make women into objects of beauty, just by focusing on our outward appearance.  We are a bigger deal than just gorgeousness!  We are brilliant, smart, kind, and we can change the world!  Literally!  We are not simply objects and our beauty isn’t just on the outside.  If it is, we’re in big trouble because we get wrinkly and crunchy with time 🙂  There’s nothing wrong with being beautiful, Em.  Period.  But do you think a guy looking at a magazine full of women who are barely covered makes him want to be a better man to God, his wife, and his kids?  Or to his future wife?

Em:  I think the calendar is stupid.

A Funny

(Photo: What’s Cooking in America)

After dinner Em was searching the freezer for the stash of chocolate chips.

As she was going to shut the door a bag of walnuts slipped off the top shelf.

In her 9 year old way, she tried to shut the freezer door while the walnuts fell in mid-air instead of having to bend over, pick them up and replace them on the top shelf…

As Jason and I witnessed this from across the kitchen, I cried out:

“Careful not to slam your nut sack in the freezer door!”
Yes, Emily had to brace herself on the kitchen counter she was laughing so hard…and yes, Jason’s cheeks turned a little red.  It was funny, but thankfully this girl still has bladder control, even at 40.

Prego shots…

Here you go. Belly shots. I am in my 31st week and these are my first pictures. I don’t know why I haven’t taken any yet…maybe it’s because in general, I don’t take a ton of pictures of myself or maybe it’s because I feel so large that documenting my ‘largeness’ just isn’t that appealing. I was a lot more fit when I was prego with Noah. I have never had swollen feet, but I’ve got some ‘thick’ toes…I just never knew my feet could spread out over the sides of my flip flops!

Anyway, Em loves my belly! Well, it’s not that she loves my actual belly but her little brother who is growing in it. She tells my belly that she loves him, that they’ll be best friends, that she can’t wait to meet him…

*And then people ask me questions like, “Is it possible that what happened to Noah could happen to this baby?”

Anything is possible. Anything. I don’t know.

No one knows…

All I know is that I have hope…hope that the “anything” in this case is life and the opportunity for Emily to actually grow old with her little brother…not as a sweet memory or a picture on the wall, but as a physical, tangible part of her life. God, please…You know my heart! Please!

Em was my junior photographer in this pic. I wanted to show you though, the amazing art on the wall! Em and her Auntie pulled out the acrylics and a canvas and Em went to town!

And, as you can see down the hall behind my big old belly, I painted plain canvas’ to display Em’s art work.
I saw the idea in a magazine and had to do it, especially because Em loves to express herself artistically and I want to encourage her in it, and because we have a stainless refrigerator so it isn’t magnetic, therefore, no displaying creativity on the fridge!

Here’s a close up of the piece she did with her Auntie.

Over the past few years as Em’s brought artwork home from school or other venues, I’ve been overwhelmed with where to put it, though I’ve wanted to display it proudly to show her how truly great she is. After I saw this idea in a magazine, I was so excited that I could display it in our house, but with a bit of continuity. Here’s how it went down:

  • I bought 2 for 1 canvas’ on sale at the local art supply store.
  • I bought a tiny can of high gloss paint that matched my kitchen from local paint dealer/home supply shop.
  • I painted the canvas’ with Em’s help and a small roller brush on the back porch and let them air dry.
  • Then, we used pieces of cardboard boxes that we had in the garage to slide in the backs of each canvas. We cut them to size and then you slide them behind the center wood strip on the back of the canvas. No need for adhesive, just slip it behind there and it’ll be pretty secure. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP!
  • Em and I selected some pieces she wanted to display and we grabbed a bunch of push pins (push pins + cardboard backing = art actually staying put on canvas)
  • Voila!

There you go! It’s that easy! So, if you want an easy project and great way to display your kids’ art work, have fun with the above project! If you still want your fridge to remain an art display, go for it! Either way, you’ll feel really good about your kids’ pieces and they’ll feel like they are featured artists at the local art gallery!

Believe me, life is too short to be so anal that you don’t display their work because you want your house to look like a model home! They’ll notice that you either throw their work away or that you stash it away in a closet, bin or filing cabinet. Skip the model home and let your house look like an art museum! When they go off to college you can call on an interior designer…right now, though, let their work shine! You may just be raising a little Renoir or Picasso!

Sperm and Hard-boiled eggs

So, this morning I made Em hard-boiled eggs for breakfast. The following conversation ensued:

Em: Look, Mom! A perfect yolk…I didn’t break it while I was opening my egg. Maybe I should take it to Show and Tell…

Me: As soon as we put it in a bag it may break…

Em: Mom, was this a boy or a girl chick?

Me: Neither. It wasn’t fertilized so it was just an egg.

Em: Yeah, but there’s a yolk. I killed a baby chick.

Me: No, Sweetie, you didn’t kill a baby chick. All eggs have yolks, they are the sac that holds the baby chick if it were a fertilized egg.

Em: (Thinking…)

Me: Em, do you remember when we talked about eggs and fertilization? Well, an egg needs to be fertilized by a rooster in order to become a chick.

Em: How does it become a boy or a girl?

Me: Well, some sperm are male and some are female, so when the male fertilizes the egg with his sperm, depending on which one gets there first, that’s what kind of chick it is. It’s like a race, the first sperm there wins and gets to decide if it’s a boy or a girl.

Em: (Thinking…) So, Daddy knows what kind of baby is in your belly?

Me: No. Nope…huh uh…when a male fertilizes an egg there are literally millions of little sperm that swim really fast to try to get to the egg first, and that’s just too many to count to know which is which…(Help me out here, people! Losing it, here!)

Em: (Thinking…) So, wow. Huh. (Inquisitive look spreads across face) So, it took a really long time for daddy’s sperm to make the baby in your belly now…I mean from when Noah was born until now…

Me: (Heading toward bathroom, looking for my out…) What? Huh? Oh…uh, yeah…uh huh, yeah…um, run and get your coat on, kid, Mommy’s going to go potty really fast…meet you in the car…

Seriously?! All I did was boil up some eggs…Dear God, help me, please, when this conversation introduces the whole concept that eggs and sperm aren’t always given the opportunity to “make contact”.

Smarter than her mom…

I love our morning routine…minus trying to put on socks and shoes, but other than that, Jason and I usually tag team jumping in bed with Em for a few minutes and nuggling, as we call it, as we convince her it’s time to leave the comfort of her warm bed to get up and get going for school. Then, I head downstairs to start breakfast and the packing of her lunch while Jason patiently puts the pressure on for her to get dressed and brush her teeth. He comes down a little before her usually and helps tag team the rest of the food preparations. Then, her royal hiney, her majesty Em, Princess of Graves-ovia, bellies up to the counter next to her daddy, looks at him and points incessantly at “The Picture Bible” and says, “Read, Read, Read!”. Then, Jason commences to read chapters on end because every time he stops he hears, “More, More, More!” (Her favorite story is God’s faithfulness to the Israelites, beginning with Joseph and his brothers, his time of slavery and then favor in Egypt, and then on into the story of Moses and God leading His people to the promised land)

And, because the three of us have never been known for our speed, one of us drives her to school since our morning bus attendance record is approximately 1:100…it’s alright. We have other strengths! Besides, we use the car time to finish getting “dressed”.

Notice my sweet girl lost one of her top teeth!

So, on this particular morning…

…as Em sat down to breakfast, she looked at her cup of orange juice…the cup that I stirred Nordic Naturals Children’s DHA Natural Triglyceride Form Omega-3 Supplement Made From 100% Arctic Cod Livers *Supporting memory, learning, and visual development with a “Great Strawberry Taste!” into.

Em: Why is there oil floating all over the top of my orange juice?
Me: (Innocently…) Huh? What?!
Em: Did you really think you could just slip that greasy fish oil into my orange juice without me noticing, Mom?
Jason: (Smiling at me, trying not to crack up altogether…) Don’t knock it until you try it.
Me: Em, will you please just drink it? Let’s not waste this cup, but if you don’t like it hidden in your “Magic Orange Juice” (calcium enriched) then you can go back to taking it directly from a spoon…
Em: Oh, alright, I’ll try it!

And miraculously she got it down without any complaints. We’ll be switching to tablets once this bottle is gone. Apparently I’m not as savvy as Seinfeld’s wife…and neither is the “Great Strawberry Taste!”


Em just lost the same tooth on the other side of her mouth last night, so has two holes…must take pic.

We played bumper bowling the other day. I’m not going to lie…the bumpers came in handy for me, too!

This morning Em came and jumped in bed with me a little early, but with good reason:

Em: Mom, I lost another tooth last night!

Me: YAY! I was thinking about you at my women’s meeting and thought, “I wonder if Em lost her tooth yet or not?!”

Em: Dad yanked it right out! I screamed once and then, yank, it was out…no biggie!

Then Em pulls her wrinkly dollar bill out and stretches it straight before me. (I was the tooth fairy last night, NOT Jason, therefore Em took a $4 cut in tooth earnings! Don’t ask!)

Me: Nice! You have made quite a bit of money in the last two weeks losing teeth…you should lose a few more, maybe go into business!

We headed downstairs to pack her lunch and eat some breakfast. Side note: Em got a great kid’s Bible for her preschool graduation that we’ve read about 4 times already. It’s comic strip style. Here’s a link to check it out. She won’t eat a meal without one of us reading it to her. Honestly, even as a theology major in college, the Old Testament version of this kid’s Bible is a great refresher. ANYWAY…


Em: Mom, did you see the other exciting surprise?!

Me: No! I had no idea there was more!

Em: We have to go outside to see it, though.

Em and Jason lead me out to my pathetic ‘vegetable’ and ‘flower’ garden that, one, we seeded too late, and two, doesn’t have actual soil in it but is filled with only fertilizer! Don’t ask…seriously, don’t...

Em: Mom, look! Every row has things growing in it! Isn’t that cool!?

Me: I can’t even believe it! That is pretty cool!

Jason: Okay, Em, back in the house, you need to leave for school.

Em: Oh man! I don’t need to go to school!

Me: Yes you do, so scoot, in the house…

Em: (Spelling…) S O C H….School.

Me: RIGHT, that’s exactly why you need to go to school!

Classic! What a great way to start the day but with a great laugh brought on by our children!

Life is a comedy…

I’m just trying to save some money here, people:

Em, screaming at the top of her lungs from the bathroom as if a creature had come up from the sewer and was attacking her: Mom! MOMMMMMMMM! COME HERE, FAST! Hurry, have you seen this?!

Me, in the other room, thinking my child is drowning in the toilet from the tone of her voice: What is it Em? I’m coming…


Me: I bought that sweetie, not Tonja (Em’s auntie). I’m trying to save money and be a good steward of our finances, so I bought cheaper toilet paper. I saved almost $10!

Em: Well, it’s scratchy! You can see through it! Please don’t buy it again…

Later, at the grocery store

Jason: Apples are 10 lbs for $10.

Me: I only buy organic apples. Regular apples are laden with pesticides.

Jason: I’d rather you buy the nice toilet paper than organic apples…

Me: Let me get this clear…you’d rather rub soft tp on your buns that put good things in your body?

Me: NO. (Because my mouth takes precedence over my arse any day…)

Apparently my family is trying to send me a message? Apparently they aren’t getting mine…when you get rid of your second car and save almost $10 on toilet paper, it seems pretty clear…we are in an economic crisis (God bless America)…and yes, that means no more “Cottonelle” Aloe Plus! It’s scratchy, but there are worse things in this world…don’t get me started! 🙂

Part 2…

Well, Em wanted to hop in bed early so she could read me books, I could read her books, and she could draw some pictures. I asked her to pick out which books she wanted and she chose “The Bones Book” by Stephen Cumbaa, and, most importantly in this case, illustrated by Kim La Fave. It’s a small booklet about our bodies structure including “An illustrated head-to-toe guide to the human skeleton, vital organs, and body systems.” Perfect! And, there on pages 54 and 55 lie the very vital organs necessary to discuss with my sweet girl “Where do babies come from?”

Em: What do you want me to draw for you?
Me: How about Jesus coming on the clouds on a beautiful white horse to rescue us? (NOW, LORD 🙂 )
Em: Okay, can it have a rainbow?
Me: Of course! He’ll probably have those in the sky that day, maybe?

Me: Em, how do you think boys and girls are different?
Em, look of “OBVIOUSLY” on her face: Uh, girls are prettier.
Me: How else are we different? (Why argue, right? Hee hee)
Em points below the waist…
Segue onto page 54, the Female Pelvis. I assess knowledge base…
Me: Em, you know women have 3 exits, right? One for peeing, our V (yes, I used the word) and one for poop…
Em: Mom, you could have said, “Number 2”.
Me, thinking: (You are killing me kid. This isn’t the easiest thing. Work with me, here! Sheesh!)
I talk to her about ovaries, eggs, relate egg/chicken/chick story here, proceed with fallopian tubes, puberty, release of eggs due to lack of fertilization, exit of eggs through the ya ya…no, I didn’t say that. Just an edited version on blog because I don’t want weirdos here…ANYWAY…

Em: I have eggs?
Me: Yep. God designed women to have eggs, just like chickens, but not crunchy. (Dear God, help me out here…)
Em: Yeah, we don’t have shells! What are my eggs doing?
Me: Right now, they are just hanging out…(Em interrupts with a smile on her face: They’re just talkin’.) until the time when you become a young woman.
Em: When I’m 16. (Matter of fact)
*(Did I mention she’s still just drawing the Lord’s return this whole time? COME LORD JESUS!)
Me: No, not necessarily. Even though we are all females, God has made all of our bodies slightly different in that we don’t all become young ladies at the same time and we don’t all have the same amount of eggs. (Fertility talk at later date…)
Em: So maybe when I’m 13?
Me: Yeah…we just don’t know. We’ll just kind of wait and see. Not really something we need to worry about, you know? (Dear God, ditto last sentiment…)

Thank you, page 54, for having an inset of an egg and sperm. Segue onto page 55, The Male Pelvis, for further education…

Me: So, Em, these (insert biological definitions here…) are the specific parts God designed for males. Ours are mainly on the inside and theirs are on the outside. So, instead of ovaries that make eggs, males have T’s that make Sperm, (again, not really knowing who might show up on google search at this point…bear with me).
Me: Sperm from a male is what fertilizes an egg from a female.
Em: Just like with the chicken and the rooster!
Me: Yep. (Except I didn’t sit on you to keep you warm for 9 months…)
Me: So, see here (on page 55)…these are sperm…
Em: Are they fish?
Me: No, but they swim…(God, seriously?…fish don’t have to explain this to their kids…but I guess You know that. Nice sense of humor, Lord!)
Me: Men have millions of them but it only takes one to fertilize an egg to make a baby.
Em, wearing hot pink leopard print pajamas, look on face trying to calculate/visualize ‘millions’…
Me: That’s more than all the spots on your jammies!
Em: Wow! That’s a lot!
Me: So, then, the fertilized egg, which is now a baby (insert life begins at conception speech here) then attaches itself to the wall of the uterus and it grows and then when it’s ready, it comes out through the V.
Em: Cool. Will you draw me a picture of something?
Me: Like what?
Em: Like a princess, a castle or a rainbow or something.
Me: Gladly…

So, there you have it…the first of many more talks to come, as she wasn’t even curious about the actual mechanics of HOW the egg and sperm hook up! THANK YOU, LORD GOD ALMIGHTY! I know that will come, but she didn’t ask, I took that as a cue from her that she had retained all she could at that moment, was satisfied with the information, and will be eager to know more when the time is appropriate. So…GET TALKING! Don’t leave me out here in sex ed world all by myself:)


Quick, I have to write this before I forget…

Me: Is Clare pregnant?
Em: Claire, my babysitter?
Jason (simultaneously with Em): Clare N?
Me: Yes.
Jason: Yeah, about 6 months, maybe.
Me: Thanks for letting me know…
Em: Claire my babysitter? She’s 16. How can she have a baby?
*Smoke fills the room, lights dim, Beethoven’s Symphony #1 in C, Allegro con Brio begins to play dramatically, mom and dad’s heart rates elevate ever so slightly…

Jason: No, not Claire your babysitter, Em, though that does happen sometimes.
Me, while scrambling egg, milk and cinnamon for Em’s french toast: Em, God’s design is that babies are born to a mommy and daddy, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
Em: Well, then where do babies come from?
Jason and I both have backs turned to Em, out of corner of our eyes, see smirks on one anothers’ faces…
Me to Jason regarding french toast: Want to take over here?
Me: Em, that is actually a very important question that daddy and I have wanted to talk to you about for a while. Mommy and daddy want you to learn this from us because that’s how God designed it. It’s important that you learn this from us and not other people first.
Jason: But, we don’t have time right now to talk about this so we’ll talk about it when you are done with soccer tonight…
Em, looking at clock, still waiting for french toast: It’s only 8:00, we have plenty of time…
Me: Em, this is such an important conversation that daddy and I want to make sure we have plenty of time to share with you…and if you have questions.
French toast miraculously appears on a plate in front of my sweet peanut!
Me: Eat, Em, we don’t want to be late for school…

SOOOOO, we’ve been praying for the right opportunity to share with Em on the topic of ‘where babies come from’ and waiting on God for His timing. I actually went to a ‘sex talk’ on how to share this important topic with our children, delivered by Mary Flo Ridley, about a month ago. I honestly went into the session thinking I was being proactive by a few years and wouldn’t need that information until Em was about 25, the day before her wedding! Just kidding! But more like 8 or 10ish. Well, I came home from the sex talk and told Jason that I wanted to tell Em about it right away…NOW HEAR ME OUT…some may be freaking out at the prospect of telling a 6 year old how babies are made, but Mrs. Ridley shares that you don’t start with the sensual part of the education, nor the fears and dangers, not right away. You start with the biological facts. Actually, she encourages us as parents to start with a mission statement, if you will, regarding the underlying foundation of truth regarding sex upon which you want to build the remaining components of your families sexual education. So, if you watched the video above, you got a couple of examples. Her family ‘motto’ is: Sex is a gift from God designed for marriage. Jason and I both appreciate that working definition, knowing full well, obviously from the conversation above, that we’ll be explaining other scenarios…though, that layer of the big picture might not occur until a later time.

Anyway, I am so grateful to my friend Kim who let Em collect eggs from her hens last summer. Em knows that the reason the eggs aren’t chicks is because they weren’t fertilized by the rooster. This is something, biologically, she understands, yet without realizing there is the missing link of HOW the rooster actually carries out fertilization…so, we are going to go from there, relating that mommy has eggs and daddy has the ‘fertilizer’ component, using the official biological terms.

I’ll give an update in case any other parent is nervous about this conversation. Jason and I are very much on the same page about educating Emily about the facts first instead of Em learning really stupid things from her peers on the playground. Also, we want Emily to be taught the truth, God’s truth, and WE ARE RESPONSIBLE AS HER PARENTS TO DO THAT, not relying on the school system to do so. Ridley likened kids to sponges…they soak up all sorts of things that they see and hear and once they are full, when we finally try to teach them something important (like waiting until their junior high friends have already told them dumb stuff and experimentation may have already occurred), they get squeemish at the thought of talking about sex to their parents…EEEEWWWWW, HOW EMBARRASSING…the very people who should have empowered them with God’s truth in the first place.

Ridley recommends peeling off layers of the conversation by beginning with the facts, plain and simple, always bringing it back to your family mission statement, and then, 1 to 2 years prior to puberty, the same sex respective parent takes the kid on a special little retreat or all day outing where you actually do talk about the more in depth topics, like fears and dangers, the world’s social expectations, including STD’s, pregnancy, oral sex, dating, infertility because of STD’s, all sorts of things…to prepare them for their future. She recommends drawing out a time line of life, like 90 years or so, and having your child dream and brainstorm about life goals and what things they desire to do when they grow up, putting those on the time line. Then, on a time line of 90 years, show them how short the time of adolescence is and then, share with them that those can all be things they pursue and succeed in, encouraging them that they are responsible for their decisions, and that some may or may not be able to come to fruition depending on choices made day to day, namely sexual choices.

Basically, if you are ever given the opportunity to listen to one of her teaching CD’s or can hear her in person, I highly recommend taking the time to listen to Mary Flo Ridley’s presentation.

As a mom, I have always desired to have this and every other area of life be an open door for my children to be able to talk to me. It is important that I not fearfully avoid the most important topics in life like God, faith, death, sex, hope, etc. because if I avoid them if I am uncomfortable with a specific question or topic, my children, who are designed by God to be curious and hungry to learn, will find that information elsewhere! They will! Sex isn’t dirty. God made it. Yeah, God. He made sex and called it good. So, if you give pat answers to your children that ‘We don’t talk about that’ or ‘that’s naughty’, they will get the idea that it is wrong and bad. And, years down the road, what God intended to be beautiful inside marriage will be perverted along the way.

The world mocks Christians for abstinence education. I’m sad for the world for not realizing God made sex, called it good, designed it for marriage so life wouldn’t have to be too complicated, yet provides Himself as our Comforter when it has broken our heart or shattered our dreams, knowing we are people of our own willsbecause He restores. Teach your kids about the sex God designed…it will provide for the future great husbands and wives one day…

To be continued…


Em: Mom, what’s an ‘atom’?
Me: It’s the building block of life. We’ll need to look up the official definition when we get home, but it is a scientific term that describes the core of what everything else in life is made up of. Let’s look it up when we get home because that would be something interesting to study when you track off…
Em: Because there’s a song that goes: dun nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, the Addam’s Family…
Me: Oh. Right. Of course…that’s the last name of a fictitious family that was a television show when mommy was little. They had the mom, Elvira, who I think was a witch, a cousin named IT with long hair to its toes, and a vampire dad or something. It was just goofy. Where did you learn of it?
Em: It was just a Halloween song we heard at school.

Have a good weekend!