One, I have been listening to Jeremy Riddle’s album, Full Attention, non-stop for a week. On my solo retreat I had a mix CD that my friend Mandy made for our Bible study group. There were a few of his songs on it, but at the time I didn’t know they were by him. Music has always been a powerful thing in my life because often the songwriter says exactly what my heart yearns to cry out to God. Jeremy Riddle hits the nail on the head with ‘More than a Friend’. If you have it or are looking for music that will rock your world and draw you closer to your knees, at the feet of God, hit repeat, close your eyes and listen. The whole album is amazing, but it’s this song that keeps allowing me glimpses of Noah and Jesus hanging out right now, and the depth of trust I walk in daily knowing we made the right choice with Noah’s life and death…

Two, Jason and I are starting grief counseling on Monday night. It’s a group setting of other parents that have lost children while at TCH Denver over the last 18 months. It sucks to have this in common with other parents and families. No, I’m not doing back flips, but I think it will be, oh what’s the word, it will be necessary? good? therapeutic? nauseating? healing? helpful? crappy? Oh, so many more words come to mind, but it’s the next step, I suppose. I’ll share as I know that many who have lost loved ones debate this choice on a daily basis. The reason that I continue this blog and continue to face my grief everyday is because if I don’t move forward in pursuit of God and healing, I’ll be further away from holding Noah. If I allow my heart to become cold and bitter, by the time I see him, it won’t be sweet anticipation, it will be anticlimactic

Have a blessed weekend!



11 Responses

  1. Adrienne –
    I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you and Jason as you enter this next step in your grieving for Noah.
    While counseling can be a pandora’s box filled with so many emotions, it is, at the same time, therapeutic and refreshing, if you can believe that! James and I have been there and done that and I am thankful today that we made that decision.
    As I have shared with you before, Noah is alive and well in the hearts of so many. Carlie talks of him like she knows him and has nightly conversations with him. But then again, she tell me that she sees Jesus standing on the clouds.
    Thank God for our kids, who bring us closer to Him!
    Have a fabulous weekend and blessed meeting on Monday!

  2. Adrienne
    I have only recently started reading “blogs” (and have never commented until now). I came upon yours two nights ago while reading another woman’s blog who went to my college and lost her daughter. I too, lost a baby girl, Emma, 4 years ago. She lived only 3 months and reading through your journey with precious Noah, it sounded so similiar. I cried as I read your story and I have been thinking about you and praying for you since. I went through your entire journal and looked at every picture of him and wept. What a beautiful baby boy!

    We didn’t get a diagnosis until after Emma’s death (mitochondrial disease). She started having seizures only 3 days after being born. She was our second child, as well..the first one being perfectly healthy. We didn’t know if we could ever risk having any more kids..being that it was genetic (we now have healthy 2 year old TWINS). I will be praying for you and your husband as you go through grief counseling. It really helps to share and talk with others who know your pain. I’d love to talk more if you want to email. Let me know. I just wanted you to know that a stranger in Minnesota is praying for you and understands…

    God bless

  3. I’m glad for you, that you are starting grief counseling. Counseling is never fun, but as I look back in my life it was beneficial and necessary. I was in counseling for about 6 years from the time I was 12 to about 18! God used it all for good, even though it wasn’t all Christian counseling. I say all this to say, good for you, reaching out and saying I can’t get through all this without some help is hard to do.

    And I too will pray for you and Jason as you enter this new phase.

    And thanks for keeping the blog going, I enjoy reading your words about your relationship with God, and your thoughts about stuff, sometimes, it is like a little devotional! Have you thought about writing a devotional?

  4. I hope all goes well and maybe this is the next step that you need. Its sad that there are so many deaths among children that there is a group but only those people know truly what you and Jason are going through. I think it will be an awesome time of bonding and healing in your hearts. Praying for you Ade, now and always. Give Em a hug from us and we love you guys!!!

  5. I like Jeremy Riddle.

    I’m glad to hear about the grief counseling. I’m sure it’ll be everything you said, but definitely a positive journey of getting through the most difficult parts (the parts where you are still hurting and grieving while most others have moved on and don’t understand this season).

    I’m praying for you. I’ll allow your bday gift to remind me every minute of every day–lol–and it will. (I hope you thought that was humorous).

  6. Adrienne,

    Just another amazing opportunity for God to use you to speak into the lives of others. I’m confident you will use it fonr His glory. I pray it brings more healing and restoration for your whole family!

    Lord, I pray that you go before Adrienne and Jason on this next journey You’re using to draw them closer to You. Continue to heal their hearts far beyond what we can comprehend in this grief counseling. Use them in a mighty way to bring more to the saving knowledge of Christ. In your sweet and precious name I pray. Amen and Amen.

    Lisa Sauer

  7. God is using you and your journey to personally teach me so much. I thank God for you and your life. Thank God you are such a willing vessel. I ask God that I might seek Him more like you do daily without ceasing. You are so special and it so clear God is working in your life. There are not words I could say to comfort you or tell you I am so sorry about your loss. But again THANK YOU so much for being you. Blessings to you.

  8. Adrienne

    You are so right about music and how it can just open wide a heart and let every feeling gush out.
    It helps me so much when I can’t find my words…and my heart is so full.
    I will keep you and Jason in prayer when you go to grief counseling. I wish I did that
    when my baby went to heaven.
    I think I did all the wrong things instead. I lashed out at God,
    I closed down……I just couldn’t express what I needed to express
    in a healthy manner. Wait…
    “HEALTHY” doesn’t seem like a word that goes with a baby that leaves us all too soon. How could any parent feel healthy at that time?
    Anyway Adrienne, Noah’s blog is such a place where I can read
    and slowly go back and understand my own feelings, by understanding and relating to yours. Thank you
    for keeping it going Adrienne.
    I will continue to pray for you and for Jason…especially on this
    new part of the journey.
    love & God’s blessings~
    Lynda Bishop

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