We are homeschooling this year…yes, you heard me right. We have an infant. We have a new puppy. I have my own business. I have a non-profit. I’m the director of women’s ministry at my church. I’m a wife. I’m a mom. I’m a sister, daughter, friend. Yada, yada, yada.
…and…I look nothing like the woman described in Proverbs 31…
…because, may I remind you, she had a full-time staff…God’s grace and her full-time staff are what made her amazing.
What makes me amazing? Nothing.
I listed those things above not to boast that I am amazing and all that and a bag of chips, but because I’m a real live woman just like you, doing too much at once, but loving every aspect, and simply doing the best that I can.
I do live by God’s grace, however I do not have a full-time staff. I have a lot of awesome people in my life that help me with all the areas listed above, and that is how I am able to do all those things. Team. I’ll be the first to admit I don’t do any of those things on my own…
I’m not sayin’ I do them well…I’m just sayin’ I “do” them.
So, back to homeschooling…Em and I embarked on this journey about a month ago. Ryan’s arrival put our start date out a bit…
- We’ve both shed tears.
- We’ve both wanted to throw in the towel.
- We’ve both laughed hard.
- We’ve both wanted to punch the other in the face. (not really, of course)
- I’ve wondered if I made the right decision.
- I’ve gone back to God with the “Are You sure You wanted me to do this?” prayer several times.
- She’s told me she loves school but is lonely.
- I’ve had to be better at coordinating play dates…
I could list a lot of bullet points that could lead to a million different discussions. But this is what God has put upon my heart as we do this homeschool journey, one day at a time:
It is my job this year not to obsess about her academic excellence (as she is naturally brilliant…) but to learn to love her and love her well.
As soon as I changed gears in my heart that this was my job, the anxiety of the bigger picture went away. I was able to let go and trust, once again, that God is big. That He loves Em more than I do. That He’s got the big picture and knows just exactly what Em needs this year. And that He has a plan for her life…and it’s beautiful and designed with her gifts in mind.
As a mom who loves her children to the Universe and back, it gives me indescribable peace to know that God loves them more than that.
If your gut, aka God, has told you to do something that is not up your alley and harder than you ever dreamed, I just want to encourage you…
…you really can do it. Not because you are Wonder Woman, but because God is big and is faithful to us, even when we feel like flaking.
I have never walked in your shoes. I’ve never sat where you sit or endured what you have, or will, endure. All I know is that as I’m learning to love Emily well, I am also learning more about God’s love for me.
I’m learning that He is patient beyond what I deserve.
Many people wonder where God is, or was, when things here on earth are unbearable, confusing and painful beyond words. From my own experience God was in the middle of it, holding my heart, assuring me that life here is short and temporary…if I’ll just hold on and trust that there is more life to come.