I watched a profound movie last night…skip over some of the unnecessary stuff, and “Stranger than Fiction.” is a great movie. My favorite scene in the movie is a conversation between Will Farrell and Dustin Hoffman regarding death and tragedy. The line that stands out the most is when Hoffman’s character says, “It’s the true nature of a tragedy…the hero dies but the story lives on forever.” I played that line over five times. I don’t want to go overboard here because Noah didn’t die for anyone else, like Christ did for all, but I can’t help but think about his little life in relation to this movie and that line and how he changed my life forever. You see, I have said it before and will say it again, if I were given the opportunity to have Noah back today, I wouldn’t take him. Of course that does not mean that I don’t miss him, but I have never had more peace about eternity and the physical presence of God since knowing Noah, so to want him back would only be selfish on my part. He wants me THERE more than I want him HERE. (Chew on that…)
I have also thought about different scenarios regarding Noah’s healing. Now, granted, these are limited because I’m a human without a clue of the Universe picture that God sees, but, say if Noah had been miraculously healed this side of Heaven, it would have been fantastic. Everyone would have talked about it for a while. Then, in all reality, it would have been forgotten. When meeting new people and sharing his miracle, they would see a healed kid and think, “Yeah, that’s great! I didn’t know what he was like before this, but that sure is great!” Life would have gone on and I’m not so sure God would have gotten all the glory that is due His name. I know I would have eventually taken Noah’s miraculous healing for granted. I would have been grateful for it daily, but there would have been times that my perspective and purpose would have been too tied to life here. We get emails and letters everyday from people sharing what Noah’s 7-month life has meant in their own. Many of these notes of encouragement and life change have occurred since January 12th, 2007.
I guess what I am trying to say is, here on earth, Noah was my hero. Jesus Christ saved me from an eternal death in a God-forsaken place. I have hope and have begun living abundant, eternal life because of what He did on the cross for me and everyone else. Noah didn’t do those things for me. What he did do, though, was make the Word of God alive to me again. He revealed to me, for the very first time, the true meaning of what it is to store up for myself treasure in Heaven. Jesus’ words of His return now have a voice in my head. I’m taking it seriously. I don’t know what it all means and I know I don’t do it perfectly everyday, but never before has Jesus been more real, and I’ve known about Him my whole life and known Him intimately almost 20 years. And, never before have I been more excited to meet Someone in my whole life! Yes, I’ll get to see Noah again, but Noah got me excited about seeing my Creator! He was my little hero. Thanks, son!
You both are heroes to many. Me included. Press on, fighter! Keep running towards the Savior during those breakdowns and He will reveal such incredible truths and lessons for all of us, just like this one. Thanks for your teaching once again. 🙂 Prayers and love for you!
your faith just completely bowls me over,you have chosen to embrace your faith rather than do the easiest thing and run away from it.I know you get this everyday but you are a true inspiration to all who know your story.I pray for you adrienne everyday, even if you are having a better day, because your heart need the prayers to help it heal.God bless you and your family x x x x x x x x
Noah is my hero too Adrienne!
Ade- when you told me yesterday that you wouldn’t have Noah back- it definitely stunned me! I know how sad you are without that little man! But I also know, can see and feel, how close you are to Jesus now. You bless me sweet friend. Rach
God bless you Adrienne. This was a wonderful post.
Your strength and perspective is a true inspiration. Thank you again! Over the past many months, you have challenged me to live out my faith and make it “real”. It is now my #1 priority, which it should have been all along, but I just got too comfortable. In addition to your blog, God has sent me some major wake up calls and situations that bring me to my knees. It’s humbling, but I’ve never felt closer to the Prince of Peace.
Your family remains in my prayers. I know there are ups and downs. We all have our moments of great faith and great crises. Praise God for his overflowing blessings. I can’t wait to meet Him either!!! But I know I have work yet to do this side of heaven; especially with my own family. Blessings to you.
So many people completely lose their faith or feel anger towards G-d because of the loss of their child. Instead, for you, it sounds as if your faith has been strengthened and made even more central to your life. I’ve always found it extraordinary that people have such completely different reactions to such similar events.
I wanted to share an experience with you that came to mind when I read this entry. My father passed away in December on a Monday morning from a long battle of fighting congestive heart failure at the young age of 55. I had gone to church on Sunday not realizing how bad my father’s condition had gotten, I prayed for God to take his pain away. My father died on that Monday. We were learning at church how God is our “Father” and the different ways God is our “Father”. The Sunday before my dad died our preacher discussed comic book heros, people of fame that we consider our heros, and family, mainly our physical fathers that we consider our heros. I thought of my father being my hero. In early February I was having a bad day and really missing my father. God told me to turn to the day before my dad died in my journal and read the last line. The last line in my journal from the notes I took for that sermon were this, “Your physical hero will pass away, but your Eternal father will always be here for you.” After reading that entry I realized how awesome God is. He had a plan and was preparing me for it. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that I am encourged from reading your entries and learning from your faith. Thank you for sharing your life! Thank you for sharing Noah!
Once again you and your family have touched my heart..I follow your story daily the the inspiration you give and have given touch my life in so many ways. Since beginning this journey like so many others my hearts biggest cry is Lord draw me closer to you. I hunger more to be in the presence of the Lord Almight. Thanks for the strength you show, and the courage to keep running that race.
AMEN! I totally concur. In my own experience, I find the same to be true… I can’t WAIT for the day when I can see Him face to face. And to see my little Morgen, too.
Reading this entry I was struck by the thought that God never gives us more than He knows we can handle. He knew that you would handle the death of your sweet little guy with all the grace that you have exhibited and that you would use this to share His grace with the world. And at the same time that God’s heart breaks with yours, His heart also swells with pride as you draw closer to Him and your faith in Him increases.
You are an amazing lady!
“If I were given the opportunity to have Noah back today, I wouldn’t take him.”
Really, you wouldn’t?
We have a child with special needs. Often people will ask if I would change it if I could. Most of the time I say yes because I don’t want them to misinterpret my feelings or emotions. But in all honesty, I would not change her. She is who she is because God made her that way, and in her 4 years on earth she has impacted more lives thru her hardships than any “healthy or normal” adult will ever get to do. So I wouldn’t change that a bit.
Your beautiful transparency through all of this touches me. I am blown away by your strength and your faith. If all moms could love their kids like you love Noah, then this world would be a very different place indeed.
God bless you this Easter week. He is Risen.
You’re a tank.
Thanks for taking your energy and putting it into a blog for the rest of us.
See, something good CAN come from the Internet!
Adrienne – at the risk of sounding like a weirdo – I just love you so much! I love your honesty and I love that through all of this pain you are finding a way to make a positive out of it. I know that you are not one to really care what people think, even those who question your statments (and can’t put their name to it – that drives me nuts). I pray that you continue to not let that affect you and to know that there are people out there, who may or may not share your experience, but understand what you mean.
If I were to lose my son or daughter (or anyone I love, really) today, absolutely I would want just one more moment with them – but that doesn’t mean I would want them back here. Why would I want them to come back to ‘this’ when they are somewhere so beautiful and better than anyone can ever imagine?
Your statement is one that shows just how unselfish your love is and it’s completely admirable in my book. Much love to your entire family as you all continue to ride these waves of emotion.
p.s. I posted a few weeks ago about my friend Holly who lost her young husband, Gary. I ask that you continue to pray for her as she also rides these waves. Thank you!
I miss Noah soooo much sometimes, that I become completely overwhelmed and can’t even speak for awhile…..one day when i was feeling like that, the Lord told me that Noah was not in my past…..he is in my future. So I know that one of my most precious treasures is in heaven for me to see. But, then sometimes I feel like Noah will be coming back with Jesus when He comes…..one of the great cloud of witnesses. Anyway, I will think of him often, as I do each of my children and grandchildren….and I will be grateful that he is home safe with Jesus….and I will keep on going until I finish my race. Love, Mom
Although we have never met, I feel closer to you with each post. I am Danika’s mom. My son James left this world just 2 1/2 months before Noah. Holding you all in my heart and in my prayers helped to ease my grief….as your words of these past 2 1/2 months have also. Our sons have sent ripples around the world and only God knows how far they will spread, touching uncountable numbers of souls along the way. Who knows, they may even come all the way back to us.
Holding you and Noah in my heart and prayers…
I’m still praying for you…
Anyone checked the blog counter lately?!
Just wanted to say I’m praying for you and have been inspired by your journey with God. Even in the midst of tragedy, He is still awesome.
I have been reading your blog and have been moved by your writing. I apologize for the SPAM-like quality of this comment, but I wanted to invite you to submit your blog for listing on the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory. This is a blog that we are establishing to help the newly (or not so newly) bereaved connect with other bloggers and find helpful resources. The more people who submit their blogs, the better the resource will be.
I hope you will consider submitting your blog.