Here’s a picture of Noah and Em on our maiden voyage from the hospital home two days after he was born. I am glad that Em has a few “road trip” images in her head and memory of her and Noah hanging out in the back seat. She was really good about reaching over and touching him and singing him “Baby Face”. Anyway…
The other day we were at my younger sister’s place having dinner and we were surrounded by family, all faces that were usually surrounding us in Noah’s room at the hospital. I had this weird feeling, one of those internal freak out moments when you think you can’t find your kid in public, and I thought, “Oh my gosh! Who’s watching Noah!?” As quickly as the thought and anxiety came, at the same time, God’s peace stilled my heart and I thought, “Oh, Jesus has him covered…he should be fine…” My new brother-in-law’s mentor, who lost his wife 6 years ago, described it to me so eloquently at their wedding on Saturday. He said, “Sometimes I feel like an amputee. I know my wife is gone, but sometimes I wake up in bed and feel like she is there. It feels very real, but I know she is missing.”
Today while Em and I were driving home from a lunch date with one of her friends, her sister and little brother and their great mommy, I reached back to hold her hand…
Me: “Em, I’m sorry that Noah had to go to heaven so soon, even though it’s a great place, because you didn’t get to spend very much time with him…”
Em: “Are you kidding? I got to spend a lot of time with him!”
Me: “You did? Okay. Well, it’s just that not every mommy, daddy, and little girl has to say ‘goodbye’ to their baby boy and little brother so soon in life.”
Em: “Well, I wish all kids could go to heaven while we’re kids so we could just play and laugh and have fun all the time. Growing old can’t be good. You get too busy and tired and can’t run and jump and play as well…How do you think they run through the clouds without falling through and landing on ‘pokey’ trees?”
Me: (I have nothing in response…as far as the trees part, perhaps reverse gravity?)
I love the picture of Noah and Em in the car. It just told a story
of the journey. The story from your new BIL mentor was so touching and so true. What a
good way to say a feeling that is in your heart yet the words are so hard to find. I thought…YES YES
that is EXACTLY how I feel with the loss of my baby David. He
touched right on the heart of feelings. Thank you so much for keeping this log open and thank you too for all the beautiful pictures of your sweet babies.
I have not posted for a few days … don’t want to make a nuisance of myself.
Yesterday I told another friend of Noah’s story and she was touched as well – in tears – when she saw the pictures of your beautiful little baby boy!!
Everyone who comes in contact with Noah feels deeply and that is a miracle … he is such a special little boy (notice I use present tense, as just because he is not on this earth anymore, he is still ‘here’ and he is still a special little boy!)
Today after dropping my little girly at creche, I was driving down the road and saw an estate agent sign (Adrienne is the name) and thought that there are signs everywhere reminding me of your faith, and slowly but surely the faith that I am coming back to realise. It is a long, hard road but it is worth it!!
Thank you again for sharing your life with us via your blog and for continuing to post on your blog! I feel like part of your family and check the blog every day for new messages!
What a great picture you have shared yet again. It looks like Noah is smiling and Em couldn’t be happier.
It is so good to hear that Em is handling everything so well. What an intelligent, thoughtful little lady you are raising. You and Jason should be very proud of yourselves.
I must comment as well how Em is doing through all of this, you and Jason are doing a wonderful job. I must also add that both your and Jason parents did a wonderful job in raising both of you also! You are a very loving, thoughtful person and that shows in every blog that you write. Thank you again for sharing more pictures. I too check the blog often for new messages. I guess while I’m commenting so much I have to say that the photographer that took all of your pictures with Noah did an exceptional job……he/she captured every moment so perfectly. The pictures all speak so much. I hope that you are all doing well as each day that passes.
A friend told me of your blog several weeks ago and I finally had the opportunity to read Noah’s story. I never knew that reading about your angel would have such a profound effect on me. As I sat here reading about his journey and that of your family with tears in my eyes I was reminded of just how great our God is. My tears were both that of sadness and joy. God’s strength has seen you and your family through a very emotional time I’m sure, and just by reading your posts I can feel your strength and faith in Him. You are an awesome witness to those that need to know Him.
How PRECIOUS of Em to bring things back to reality. 🙂 The perspective of a child is just beautiful, and, well… healing I think. She is an amazing little girl and I’m so thankful God chose HER for YOU. 🙂
Heidi Jo W
thats the best thing about kids, innocence.you cant get that kind of innocence in life from anyone or anything apart from your children.I hope mine always keep a part of magic with them as they grow
What an amazing daughter you have! If she were my daughter, I’d homeschool her in a second ;-D. Thanks for the prayers and the love, my friend. It means so much!!!
How neat that Em envisions running through the clouds! I used to think about that all the time when I was a kid…and well, really not that long ago too. Anytime I stare at the sky, I usually think about hopping from cloud to cloud. They just look so soft and fluffy. I never did have the realization about the “pokey” trees getting me though – that’s SO cute. Your Em is so smart.
Thanks for sharing your picture and thoughts about Noah in the car, and about missing his earthly presence. I can’t wait to play with him in Heaven one day, where I’m sure he is crawling about, and soon will be running about in the clouds like Em described. The cool thing is, he doesn’t have to worry about landing on the pokey trees. I just envision him floating around in the clouds, peering down at you guys, laughing with his big sister, and looking forward to running through the clouds with his family one day.
My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you guys.
With much love…
Both Em and Noah are so beautiful! I LOVE being able to see pics of them. I check your blog daily to see if there are any new posts or pics and was thrilled today to see a fresh pic and post, although I go back and read thru older posts all the time. My grandma came over yesterday and I shared your blog and pics of Noah and Em with her. I read a few posts to her, ones that have really gone right to the heart of me and she was so moved, inspired and touched.Anyway,I work from home and later in the day I was speaking to a client regarding typical business matters and suddenly I realized I was speaking to a true Christian man. The conversation went from business directly to Noah and his story. I was compelled to share his story and speak to him about your family and how absolutely wonderful you all are and thru all the hurt and heartache how your faith in God is overwhelming and truly inspirational to me and to all I have told. This man was so interested in Noah’s story and your faith that he wrote the website down and promised me that he is going to share Noah’s story with his ministry. I was so thrilled beyond belief that other people who might not normally hear nor have the pleasure of knowing Noah’s story would actually be able to see him and read about him. I don’t know if even you understand what an impact you, Noah,Jason and Em have made on all of our lives. It’s truly a miracle. Thank You again for sharing Noah with all of us!!! I am praying for you each every single night.
Paula and Family
I remember having moments like that a lot for a while…
I would think Morgen was just taking a nap, or playing in her bed…waiting to be picked up by her mommy… the amputee analogy is perfect.
This weekend marks a year since our original loss… I wish I were as comforted as I know my daughter is… I know I should be, but the pain lingers. It is different, but still pops up.
Bless you, Adrienne!
I lost my grandpa in November, and sometimes I still talk about him as though he were here on earth. I forget…it’s a strange thing. Actually it’s made me embarrassed many times. That word picture of being an amputee is really great! Our loved ones who go before us, really are like parts of us in some ways.
I continue to pray for strength and perspective for Jason and you. Many times thoughout the day you come into my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
You are a very strong person. I don’t think I would be as strong but you give me hope and the faith you have is amazing. I came across Noah’s blog by chance and it seems that both of our boys were in the hospital at the same time. Actually, I think our boys are the same age. I don’t dare want to use past tense either just as Mary did the same. Thank you for having strength to share your feelings through the blog. I think of Noah as my son’s (Diego) personal angel. I pray for you and your family on a daily basis. Take care and God Bless.
She must lighten your heart every day. God is so good to give us gifts that we can love like a child!
What a great photo Adrienne. Noah’s first car ride. I recall some of the best memories with my family was on those long car rides. It’s great the Em remembers. How sweet she must have looked singing to her new brother.
Again this is a beautiful photo.. depicting the beginning of your new family’s journey. One that would touch more people then you could ever have imagined.
Thanks for sharing. Lots of love to you Em and Jason.
What a sweet picture! Em is a strong little girl, you all have done a great job. Children have such innocence to them, they see everything in such great focus. I wish I could have there vision at times. God wants us to love him like children, that is such a hard thing to do sometimes. Thanks for sharing again your great wisdom and heart. Keep it up!!
What about the book??
Adrienne- You don’t know me, but you posted a week or so ago about my sister and her husband Josh. I just wanted to thank you and tell you how much we appreciate it. I have spent countless hours on your blog celebrating the life of your precious boy. It has been almost 19 mos. since Ava’s death, and yet her sweet, short life still touches every part of who I am. I hope you know that even mere strangers love you and your family and will NEVER forget Noah. We will be continually holding you up to the Father; praying for peace in the most heartbreaking of times. He is able.
I love this story of you and Em. I Miss you guys alot. You truly are an amazing following of Christ.
I just found this verse on another blog I visit regularly & tho I’m sure you already know the verse, perhaps this version will speak to you today…
Good people pass away;
the godly often die before their time.
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that God is protecting them from the evil to come.
For those who follow godly paths
will rest in peace when they die. Isaiah 57:1-2
God bless you guys today.