It’s difficult to know where to begin…actually, this will be my first official post from my own home, and quite frankly, my juices aren’t flowing! Maybe I’ll have to go to the hospital everyday in order to post!?!? Anyway,
Jason and I were very pleased with the way the service went on Monday. Thank you, everyone, for praying for us, and thanks to all the many representatives that were there physically for everyone else who was there in spirit. We were very humbled at the faces that walked through the doors to support us and to honor our little man of God. One of the first people in the door was an old (she’s not OLD) college friend who completely surprised me from Seattle! There was also a student, Lauren, from the college where I used to work in MN who came with her daughter…I had forgotten she was from Colorado. Anyway, you get the idea, and that was just the beginning. We were surrounded by family and friends from coast to coast, old and new…Jason and I both shared our hearts, we had an open microphone for a bit, a slideshow set to “40”, “Yahweh”, and “Beautiful Day”, Noah’s song, then our pastor shared his heart about how Noah’s life had changed his own, and then we had an awesome time of praise and worship, giving honor to where honor is due! Then, we had two friends praying for warm enough weather for a surprise of which we told no one. We had everyone dismissed outside for a few minutes while Jason and Emily and I released 8 beautiful white doves, 7 for the 7 months of Noah’s life, and then Em got to release the single dove as a symbol of the Holy Spirit and God’s presence in our lives, as well as releasing her brother. It was a perfect way to end the celebration! (The temperature had to be above 18F so that the doves’ lungs would not freeze! That would have really put a damper on everything!) As everyone was dismissed for the dove release, we handed out CD’s that have a picture of Noah printed on them and a compilation of songs that remind us of Noah and our personal journey and devotion to the Lord. Then we headed in for Peet’s coffee and cookies from Zaidy’s where we were able to reconnect with many people. My goal is to somehow make a link available to view Noah’s slideshow so you can all enjoy it on your own time. I’ll see what I can do…
Tonight is the first night in over 7 months that Jason and Emily and I have been at home alone. The part that bothers me is that it is “normal” to not have Noah at home. He had been at TCH Denver for 5+ months and only at home for 7 1/2 weeks, 8 of those days in South Dakota…Perhaps it is part of the grace? To not sit around the house and have reminders of Noah doing this here or that there, but instead to truly picture him in the home that is his eternal home, I definitely see it as grace!
Last night we had dinner with our dear friends, Rock and Kim from South Dakota. Kim put into words so eloquently what my mind has thought of but been unable to convey. She said something to the effect of God not seeing death as a punishment to us because His ways are not our ways since His perspective on death is worlds apart from our own. For Him, death of a child of His is a beautiful thing, a true re-entry into the “world” for which we were created, the world of the physical presence of God.
I told her how it frustrates me that some in Christendom would say that the devil got the victory in Noah’s death, because Jason and I don’t believe that with one ounce of our being. We give all glory to God alone! We literally had faith to move mountains. We physically did everything, talking to “experts” around the world. We pulled all-nighters doing research, and yes, if you made me do a biology exam tomorrow to define the parts of the cell, I could name every component! We even went back to the mortuary yesterday, after five days to give Noah one last chance to come home with us, but God spoke very boldly that Noah was exactly where he was supposed to be. He also made it quite clear that He is coming again soon, just as He said many years ago. Noah didn’t die because the devil is bigger than God! Noah was a gift to God, from a dad and mom that loved him as big as the ocean, all the salt in the sea and every grain of sand…There really is no other explanation. It was his time and God gave us His peace to discern that truth. She also told us that in the world she grew up in, sickness and death was due to a person’s sin or God’s displeasure with them. (Are Job’s friend’s sentiments ringing in your ears?!?!) That it was His punishment and if they didn’t have enough faith, it was their own fault they were sick or that someone might die. No stinking wonder that people shy away from Christianity! The message, NO, The Message has been misrepresented! Just give me Jesus! Plain and simple, true, pure and beautiful! Come meet me at the well, Lord, I’ll be there drawing water when it’s not too crowded with all the “holy” people.
If you get a chance any time soon, take a look at Galatians 4. God showed it to my mom yesterday and some of the wording could have been written by Noah instead of Paul. It could have been written by many of the children in heaven that have been represented by their parents posting on this blog.
Finally, Jason said to me last night before bed that he felt lazy. I told him I understood what he meant. At least at the hospital we had people coming in left and right that we could share God’s love with, whether visitors, staff, or parents of other kids, at home I’m hunting 5 month old sized dust creatures out from behind the dryer! It’s all surreal, as if the last 16+ months never really happened! Man, do we ever have a lot to process!?
Praying for you all in Indiana and rejoicing with you at the thought of a healthy Noah.
Although your routine is different your purpose is the same. Believe me, you are touching those same people you did at the hospital..plus so many more by sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, and faith! I know there are so many individuals who have been forever changed. No doubt your lives feel so strange right now, but the Lord is still the center of your lives, and this is what draws all of us to you! I have followed your family these past few weeks…I have been drawn close to the Lord through your words and your honesty. Noah will always be missed, but NEVER forgotten!
I don’t have the right words to say, you have touched me in such an awesome way by the courage and the True Love you have for God. I found your site through several caringbridges, and I have been reading it for most of the night. It is almost 2am. Em and Noah are so beautiful. To be able to give your child back to God with such a loving heart as you have. I also gave my son to the lord, but reading through your posts I have looked at his death in a whole different way. I hope you know the way you are touching peoples lives. Keep up the love and the courage you have. Rejoice in knowing that Noah is in God’s arms. Maybe Jesus will come soon for his Bride, and we can reunite with our little angels.
After thought here, my dad was at the Air Force Base in Minot, ND, that is where I was born, several years ago. I can still see all the snow!!! We don’t get that much snow here in Kentucky.
I am trying to put into words all the emotions I have inside….I have been following your blog and as I am so sad for your loss I am also rejoicing in the fact that Noah is in heaven with Jesus. I don’t have any reason to think that I can understand what you are going through but one conclusion I have reached is that you have lived the las 5 months of your life to give glory to God not yourself or your son. Of course you wanted to figure it all out but in the end what I have seen and still see in your life is that God has received glory. Thank you for sharing your heart, thoughts and life with so many people. God bless you!
One other thing…towards the end of your post you wrote,”Just give me Jesus!” This caught my eye because I work for a missions organization here in Norway called Jesus Revolution. There is an associated minsitry called Jesus Women who will have a national conference in May called, “Just give me Jesus!!” Billy Graham’s daughter Anne Graham Lotz will be here in Oslo and it will be a great conference. It’s what we all need…Just give me Jesus!! Amen.
Each time I read your posts I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and the anointing of your words. You are so purely being used by God that it must be overwhelming to live it. What an honor to be used by the Most High… Who is rejoicing with precious Noah at this very moment.
Satan most certainly DID NOT have victory- he lost before time began, no matter what circumstances appear to be in the natural- he cannot ever win. To God be the glory in all things!
I am inspired by your faith, by your faithfulness, by your confidence in God’s Word, and the peace you share so sincerely. God bless you- you are in my prayers.
Thanks for posting–and as for feeling like your “juices aren’t flowing”… well, something certainly kicked in ;-). It’s your honesty and genuine pursuit of God, in all of His wonders, that pentrates my hardened heart. Life on this side is so challenging at times, its best to trust the Lord, no matter what. That’s what I’m seeing through your experience and faith. Thank you, my friend.
Hugs and kisses to you all!
Thank you for sharing yours lives with us. Your faith is credible! I am amazed and encouraged. Your famiy has touched me deeply. The staff and family of Keswick Christian School in St. Pete, Fl are praying for you. Your brothers and sisters in the Lord. Love, Carol
Your faith and love for the Lord is so inspiring and through your heartbreak you’ve remained so unselfish and continue praising. It is truly an inspiration for all of us who have a personal relationship with the Lord and those who may not be at that point. You and your husband are pillars of faith and I’m so thankful that you have that strength to carry you through this sad sad time.
We all have a sorrow heart at this time and I’ve shed tears for all of you, we’ve all been touched so much by Noah.
It’s amazing how many people may come to the Lord through your ministry and faithfulness by posting your heart out here for us to follow. We will continue praying for you and your family and will always keep you in our hearts!
Malachi just came over to sit on my lap while I was reading. I told him I was reading about baby Noah and that he’s with Jesus now. He asked “did he die?” I said “yes he did. But, now he is with Jesus and he gets to SEE him, isn’t that exciting?” Mo said “yes, but Jesus is not here with us”. I said, “Oh, but he is. He lives in our hearts – when we believe in him and tell him so.” He said “in here?”. I said “Yes, in here and he will never leave you, isn’t that cool?” He said, “yep” and jumped down to go play.
Thank you so much for sharing Noah with us. He’s preaching and teaching through all of us as we share his story. He’s helping other little children learn about our God and His son and know him so that one day they may return to our Lord.
We’ll never never be the same!
When you talk about sin causing Noah to be sick, it takes me back to something you have mentioned time and again. Noah simply had a bigger purpose! I wish you could truly and personally feel all of those you have touched. I consider myself a person of God but you have, and continue to, stir something inside me each time I go to your blog that always leaves me reaching for more within myself. It’s almost as if God is touching me Himself.
None of us wants to lose a child but to know that you have placed your child with Jesus and that is where he is at this very moment should be the goal for everyone! Rejoice and celebrate!!
The hard part is the routine. Your family has been so centered around a hospital and Noah that filling that void will be such a challenge for you. And in many ways, I’m sure it will never be filled.
My prayers are with you now as they have been.
Blessings from Nebraska
Dear Adrienne –
For one who claimed initially that her blogging juices were not flowing, you sure did put together one powerful blog!!!!
**Lynette – Tulsa, OK
I have been reading your blog for about a week. I feel honored and blessed to have ‘known’ Noah. And you!
Several years ago my mother got sick and through all of it I felt abandoned by God. I knew it wasn’t true but the devil worked on me and pulled me from church. I still struggle with the fact that I abandoned God. Not the other way around.
You remind me that sickness is not punishment, simply a test of your faith. I hope one day I can say I have as much faith and strenghth as you!
May God bless you and your family!
It’s definitely the “processing” that gets difficult… I wish I had stopped processing and just “let God”… not sure if it’s possible to stop the brain from trying to process…
Living a life that honors our children that are no longer there, to make sure we never forget the lessons we learned from their short lives, that gives God the glory, and drawing others to Him… that is our job, now…
and you, beautiful mommy, are doing such a great job!
Just know that we appreciate any and all updates on how you and your beautiful family are doing.
It is so amazing that you have let us in to this time of your life via the internet. We will be here, praying for you just like always.
i know you don’t know me, I only know of you through Beth and Karen, but I am so blessed by you (I hate that Christianese term, but there is no other way to say it) thank you for loving your son and your God and sharing it.
A friend told me that I should read your blog, and I am so glad! I feel like I know you. My husband and I released our son Joseph to the Lord in July of 1999. He was 1 week shy of his 1st birthday. He had a very rare infection and passed away very unexpectedly while we were on vacation. We found him in his crib after putting him down only 30 minutes before for a nap. He had been fussy but he was teething and had the same symptoms as he had before when he cut his other 4 teeth (fever, funny nose). I can tell you that God’s grace alone got us through and is still getting us through today. I thank God for His grace, for He is sovereign and He is mighty and He will see you through until you see Noah again. You remind me so much of my husband and I after Joseph died. In many ways I feel that I am reading thoughts of my own when I’m reading yours. I don’t know if you are able to do any reading about grief, but if and when you are, I highly recommend “A Grief Unveiled” by Gregory Floyd. He lost his son in a different way than you or I have, but his thoughts are so unbelievable. You will not be able to put it down. It is also good to hear a father’s thoughts on grief. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story of Noah’s life. I feel certain that he is rejoicing at Jesus’ feet with my Joseph. What good playmates they will be! Thank you again. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me at email@example.com. I pray many blessings over you and your family and your home.
Naomi informed me of your loss and gave me your web site. I am so sorry to hear you lost your precious little boy. I read through several blogs and I am amazed how God has given you so much strength and peace. People will be changed just by your words. Praise God!! I’m thinking that God may have put Noah in Elizabeth’s arm by now and she is remembering how blessed she is to have know his mother. Loren and I lead a grief group at our church and we know how hard this loss is and how hard the future will be without our children, but what awesome assurance we have that we will be united again. Thank you for your faith and also thanks for the beautiful pictures of your family. God Bless!
I completely understand every single word you are saying. Today, we are celebrating the life of our son Gus who died last May. I’m sure that Noah and Gus have met and that makes me smile. I really appreciate your posts and like I said, I can certainly relate. We both have been given such a great peace from God and I am so thankful for that. I’ve posted about your family over at Gus’ Gang… http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/gdoriot
I have been praying that you will just glide into this new chapter of your life. Peace be with you and your family..
Hi guys, I was introduced to your blog through a college acquaintance’s blog just a few days ago. As I read through all of the postings, my heart grieved for you but at the same time I was truly inspired by your family and your faithfulness to God.
When I initially clicked onto your cite, I thought that I was going to be reading the story of someone I didn’t know, but when I saw your picture, I realized that I actually knew you a very long time ago. You were my team leaders on a Teen Mania trip to Siberia years ago, when I was 15 years old. You probably don’t remember me, but I really looked up to you during the short time I knew you. I remember thinking that you both were “so cool!” I am so encouraged that you both are still such wonderful examples of Jesus Christ.
Your precious son and your entire story touched my heart and made a lasting impression on me. Your family is amazing and it is evident that God’s hand is on your lives.
My husband and I are praying for you both and for your beautiful daughter.
Adrienne and Jason,
When my husband and I got engaged we did not want to wait very long to get married. Our church did not do weddings in December so the first available Saturday was January 7. I had this ridiculous, kooky thing about numbers and I didn’t like the idea of having our big day be on the 7th. Ridiculous, I know. But it was my mother-in-law who read to me the definition of “7” from a Bible dictionary. It was used over and over again in the Bible to indicate “completion, perfection, abundance, and rest”. I gave God a giggle because that was just like Him to mark His design in bringing us together with such a meaning. He knew that day would be the day we were married before we ever even took our first breath.
Since that time, I have noticed so many times in which God still uses that number to represent those qualities in our lives. And here, I have noticed it yet again. Noah lived for seven beautiful months. Upon his departure to reunite with his Heavenly Daddy, God left you with a stamp in His timing to let you know that Noah had entered his time of “completion, perfection, abundance, and rest”.
No one could ever tell me my God doesn’t care about the small things and leave His fingerprints on every square inch of our lives!
Loving you guys from Missouri,
Your words are so wonderful. It’s amazing how YOU can comfort and bring peace to others in your own time of need. THAT’s what is so real about God- He blows us away with His goodness. It transcends all human understanding. I blogged about my own experiences today…that I am still ‘processing’ the death of my daughter years later. Her life still affects me every single day. I hope I can give you some comfort and hope- as an example of how God will use Noah as an instrument of His love and grace for the rest of the days of your life. My best to you and your family as you walk the journey of life that Gos has called you to. You are truly being used by Him- thank you for that!
Know that your family is in our prayers. God will continue to work through all of you and through Noah’s story as He has already done.
As I look at the beautiful pictures on the blog I am reminded of a song my brother and I sang at my Aunt’s funeral this year and how fitting it is for Noah.
It is called, “If you could see me now.” I know that Truth sang it, but I am not sure who wrote it. Some of the words are like this, incase you haven’t heard it:
“Our prayers have all been answered. I’ve finally arrived. The healing that had been delayed, has now been realized. No one’s in a hurry, there’s no schedule to keep. We’re all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet.
If you could see me now, I’m walking streets of gold. If you could see me now, I’m standing tall and whole. If you could see me now, you’d know I’d seen His face. If you could see me now, you’d know the pain’s erased. You wouldn’t want me to ever leave this place. If you could only see me now.”
I am so sorry for your loss! I just finished the wonderful story of Noah’s life! I am truly inspired by your words and the life that Noah lived now and the life he will continue to live. This world was truly blessed to have Noah be a part of and now he is an angel watching over each and everyone of us!! I hope that peace will come into your life and things will become easier for you all. Thanks for the wonderful gift you and your family have give to everyone who has come in contact with Noah and your blog!
You are so right about God’s view of death. Noah received the ultimate healing. As far as people’s view of Christianity, you have done good things for it. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable with so many people. Since you have been so open and honest, it may feel a little odd to take time to process and continue to grieve. It’s okay to take that time. It seems to me that the Lord is preparing you for something. I don’t know what that is, but with the child-like faith you have, I’m sure you’ll allow Him to reveal it to you in His time. May God bless you and may you tangibly feel his presence with you.
Don’t forget to rest! You guys have been pouring yourselves out for months and espeically the last couple weeks! No, your work is not done, but don’t feel guilty about being still right now (or cleaning out dryer sheets). You are not being lazy. It is time to decompress and rest before you begin you work again.
“Come unto me, all ye that labor. And I will give you rest…”
We will all miss seeing you and Noah- what great love you gave him! Thank you for letting me get to know him and your family. Best wishes,
Jason & Adrienne,
I am unable to find the words to type right now after reading portions of your blog. I’m in awe by this story, this event and chapter in your lives. Noah brought so much. I never met him but he just spoke volumes to me, his life and impact are unmatched. Thank you for being so transparent, open and honest about this journey with us. Peace, grace and continued blessing to your family.
This morning, I heard for the first time the song Nicole in OH mentioned in her comment! I thought of Noah through the entire thing, and cried for you – both tears of grief for you and tears of joy for God’s faithfulness to you.
I’m praying for you as your adjust to your “new normal.”
Castle Rock, CO
Adrienne, what incredible Faith you and your family have. Thank you for living such a wonderful example for the world to see. If everyone lived and believed as you do, it would be a beautiful place. I know when the Lord returns, His first words to you will be “Well done, Good work”.
Please don’t stop writing! You’ve gone through so much and are so gracious to share all that you have learned and are learning with all of us. I have only been reading your blog for a week and have grown so much. I’m actually studying it and the words come back to me through the day to encourage and challenge me. Well, it’s because you’re speaking life to all of us; to think, you came face to face with what all of us fear the most and have come through it talking of hope and life and peace. How can anyone not be changed when they encounter that?
Our hearts and prayers are with your whole family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
What an amazing story of one precious little boy’s ability to touch the hearts and lives of so many while giving glory to our King! Thank you for sharing him with us and for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. Your strength, peace and comfort have been a powerful testimony of His manifested greatness. It has been a priviledge and an honor to lift you up in prayer. May you, your husband and precious Em continue to find comfort and strength in our Comforter, Jesus!
We’ve never met, but at the prompting of Chris Krebsbach, I’ve been following your story for months now.
If I live to be an old man, I hope on my deathbed I can say that I affected as many lives as Noah affected in the few months he was here on this earth.
What a blessing he is and will continue to be.
while it is no surprise, it still never ceases to amaze me how God has held you each SO closely through the journey thus far. While it will certainly take some adjusting and “processing” as you so appropriately call it – still I know that I know that I know HE will be carrying you through the next part of life’s adventure as well.
We’ll all continue praying for healing of your hearts as moments of quiet and grief settle in – but I’m so thankful to know a good part of the healing is already underway and perhaps complete because you have grasped the beauty of God’s hand in the midst of sorry.
Well done sister and brother. I love your hearts.
Heidi Jo W
I’m so sad I didn’t get to stay to the end of the celebration! It sounds as amazing as the part I was there for.
I agree with you — God has worked in amazing ways through your and Noah’s lives. There is no other way to describe it.
We’re praying for your family as you re-adjust to living in your house … together 🙂
Thanks for continuing to post and share, and thanks for sharing Noah with so many.
Noah, and the Lord continue to be triumphant, and helping all of us to grow in many ways.
Rest in feeling “lazy”… you have been fighting, and continue to fight the good fight.
Rest in HIM, HIS presence, and in the physical arms of Jason and Emily.
In HIS love,
I just want you to know that you are on my heart during these adjustment days. I can only imagine how hard it is to be back home and facing the reality of your routine without Noah. Please know that we are praying that God would hold you closer now than He ever has before.
You all have been on my heart today. As I pulled into work, I heard a song that could’ve been taken from a post you put out a month or so ago – about doing this all over again, even if you knew it was going to be the same outcome. Then I just got my “Daily Om” and the last paragraph reminded me of you all:
“Whether we find ourselves facing a midlife crisis or any life transition, we can take the time to get in touch with our inner selves. From the unchanging spirit within us, we can accept and embrace the changes that come with the human experience. Examining where we’ve been and what we’ve learned can point in the direction of all that we would like to do now and in the future. When we anchor our identity in our spiritual nature, we understand that physical change does not change who we are, but only offers another perspective from which to experience, understand, and celebrate life.”
I’ve been trying to find some words these last couple of days because I’ve sat here and wondered what it would be like for you all, after all the ‘busy-ness’ of the last week has subsided. I’m thankful that you all have your spirituality, each other and a loving support group to draw upon. But the reality is that you are only human and you will go through the ups and downs of emotions for some time to come. And you know what – that is OKAY! I think that’s what I want to say, is that – it’s okay. You are and will still be loved, regardless. (And I know you already know this.)
The last time I felt the need to express this sentiment, I didn’t, and the next day your post made me know that it was in my heart for a reason. So today – I say it with love and in true friendship even though we don’t know each other.
You are an amazing family. I enjoyed reading all of your entries. I just found your site yesterday. You have a very strong faith and we know Noah is watching over all of us. I am from South Dakota and read that your husband is too. Take Care and God’s Peace.
I’m sitting at work, doing my thing, listening to Yahweh and picturing Noah – happy and smiling at all of us and I’m thinking of all the ‘Beautiful Day’s’ he’s having. You all picked some great songs. I meant to say that too. Happy and uplifting and truly meaningful to you.
One week…this was a big day for me in our journey. Don’t rush things..the “new normal” takes so much time to get use to. The family you have become through all this is beautiful…there are no expectations for what is to come next. It is a process that we will stand by you and love you through unconditionally. Be patient with yourselves, keep being real with how you are feeling and listen to those who would ask how your heart is doing. The reality of all this is so hard and often frustrating because of the time it takes to adjust to what life is now. You are walking through this with much grace all around you. There is no hurry…the dust bunnies are still here in our house 7 months later! We love all of you so much!
I know we are strangers- but I have to say thank you… for sharing the intimate parts of your life and heart and giving Jesus so much glory. He has used your blog to minister to me in some profound ways. My His grace and strength be abundant for you.
Jason, Adrienne and Emily,
I came across your blog through a friend of a friend (it’s a long story) a couple of days before Noah went to be with Jesus. I prayed for him fervently in the days leading to his death and thought about him and you all so very often (yes, I even had trouble sleeping). My life has been forever changed because of your little man. You were right, when I started reading your blog, I wasn’t prepared to fall in love…but I did. He is quite possibly the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen…and what a breathtaking story he has.
Satan had no claim over Noah’s life. Infact, I believe that his 7 month life has brought souls closer to their Heavenly Father. He did more in his lifetime than many of us who dedicate our whole lives to ministry. Satan has no hold on that!! He was God’s servant…God’s alone.
Please know that you are being prayed for by friends and strangers alike. May we all experience your faith and your sense of peace. God be with you.
My prayers will continue to be with your family. Noah’s life and the lessons that the blog have given will remain with me! His life is an inspiration!
Much love, Elizabeth Ulmer
I’ve been praying for you all for a few months since hearing about Noah through Brian Zibell. Nothing new or profound – just want to add my heartfelt condolences and prayers. Grief is so hard. Thank you for sharing your journey and the precious, precious photos. The impact of Noah’s life and your faith has been huger than I think you will know this side of Heaven. I look forward to the day when it can all unfold in it’s fullness for you Jason and Em. Press on.
I found your story purely by accident and I have not stopped crying since. I have had to stop reading on many occassions and will take weeks to read it all.
I am writing a book on birth stories and experiences of babies and children (sorry I cannot seem to articulate myself adequately here) and would really love to have your story in my book – from the pregnancy right through. I believe that it can be an inspiration to many after the tears have stopped.
I know that it is to me as it makes me ever so grateful for my three miracles! My eldest being 17 years and my youngest being 18 months.
I take my hat off to you that you have managed to come through all this, I am so surprised at my emotional response. I normally am emotional when it comes to babies and children, but never have I felt the depth of emotion at someone’s story as I have with yours!!
I would be ever grateful if you could contact me via e-mail on firstname.lastname@example.org – regardless of whether you would like to be in my book or not.
This is my first post. I have just finished reading your story about Noah. What a blessing. I can’t even describe the feelings I am having right now. One thing that has touched me deeply is how you as a mother have handled your loss. You are truly an amazing woman and it is an inspiration to all mothers everywhere. I just have one question. Did you ever find out what medical condition Noah Had? Did I miss something? Just curious.