baby

Smitten

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I know I’ve been MIA…I can’t help it. I’m totally smitten and loving it, but dreading it at the same time…Love is complicated. I’m also exhausted getting only 2 and a half hour sleep cycles in each night, but I know that won’t last forever. Here are things I love: I love Ryan’s peach fuzz…it’s […]

faith

Redemption?

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So, I guess since I’m due in less than a week it’s probably time to have some more belly shots…my friend Gina took these of me on my front porch. The memory on my camera has been full and I’ve been a bit busy. I guess documenting this pregnancy has been a bit surreal for […]

death

Trivial pursuit…

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After Noah died I could never imagine myself thinking or acting on anything that didn’t have eternal value or a world changing after effect. Engaging in the day to day was a difficult task, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. I had difficulty having trite conversations or giving a rip about petty pursuits…yet at […]

death

TIME

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The “Fall of Man” was for sure, by far, hand’s down the crappiest day since the dawn of TIME. I know there have been terrible, horrific, life-altering days throughout the history of the world that have affected more people than just the first two people loved wholeheartedly by the Creator of the Universe, but as […]

death

Apparently…

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Apparently…stress brings about contractions…or at least mega–Braxton Hicks. Apparently…even though I have been trained throughout my life in different leadership settings to appear calm in extremely stressful situations, my body wasn’t trained as well. Apparently…the European pregnant ladies know a little something because a half a glass of wine (don’t judge me…) during false labor […]

grief

International Babylost Mothers Day

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Today, somewhere in the world, it’s already May 2nd. My sweet friend, Carly Dudley, and her husband Sam, have touched the hearts of my family in a profound way…all the way from Down Under. For a couple of years now, Carly has been raising awareness of grief and baby loss all around the world! On […]

counseling

Guts and Grief

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So, I did it. I went to my first solo counseling appointment. That’s it. I’m cured…no need for any further intervention. I’ve been declared “problem free”. Just kidding. So, back up a bit and you’ll remember that my going to the appointment was a result of a slight temper tantrum – breakdown I had after […]

grief

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be…

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…and the measures I’ll be taking, as a result. So, not trying to be too raw here, but this has never been a place where I “blow sunshine” for myself or anyone else. Let me shoot straight: being pregnant after losing a child isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a bi-polar roller coaster […]

grief

Down-sizing…Ode to ‘Pilot’

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My sweetest guy snoozing away in his car seat on the 4th of July in SD…if I had only known… Oh how I thought it would be a quick stay… I still had hope here… I get so pissed, angry, and motivated when I look at these pictures…the first two for obvious reasons, the third […]

death

Confessions and grief

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I must confess…I met someone. Well, he found me, or at least found his way into my heart. We haven’t ever met and now we won’t until I die. His name is Kaden Vierra and he moved into his new permanent home in Heaven today at 10:58 a.m. Kaden was 2 1/2 years old. His […]